It was right next to the sign that said “Imperial Beach, California” that he appeared in a flash of bright orange and blue light. He was a rather rotund, round-faced, grey haired gentleman, clad in a sort of coverall garment of the same colours as the energies he had just utilised to transport himself through Space.
“Greetings, Master Quaddos,” said I. “I have been expecting you to show up ever since Agent Millie Drake and I received the message from Algol in which we were instructed to travel here to southern California.”
I was dressed in my usual finery there on the beach, including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, leathern military boots, sunspecs, and panama hat.
“Greetings, Master Rumanos,” replied Quaddos, his voice as kind and affable as always. “Great to see you again!”
“Nice to see you again as well, old friend,” I replied. “So, what brings the Psychic Weapons Expert of the Kosmikos these ninety-three light years to Earth, hmmm?”
“Oh, you will not believe this one,” said the jolly old Algolite. “It involves what is perhaps the most powerful weapon ever to make its way to this planet Earth; a weapon that has been sought for by countless quests and crusades throughout this world’s history!”
“By the Triple Star!” I swore. “Surely you do not mean… ?”
“Sure enough I do!” affirmed Quaddos. “Its exact location is still a mystery, but it I somewhere within a small radius of our current location.”
“Right here on the beach, hmmm?” I pondered, twiddling my frills. “Are Millie and I going to have any backup on this assignment? For a weapon as powerful as… that is, one would think the Absolute Convention themselves would take a hand in it.”
“Sure enough they should, but they are currently mired in the usual bureaucratic procedures. The Kosmikos is petitioning the Universal Overseer to make an executive decision concerning it, but we have not as yet received a reply.”
“So our assignment is to locate and secure the object?”
“Sure enough,” affirmed Master Quaddos, “and to make certain it does not fall into the wrong hands.”
“Are there enemy agents actively seeking it?” I queried.
“More than likely,” replied the Algolite darkly. “As you know, the possible powers one could acquire from it are immeasurable. It is imperative that you secure the weapon as quickly as possible.”
“Understood, Quaddos,” I agreed.
“Good luck!” then said the old Algolite simply, as he vanished in another flash of light. …
My name is RUMANOS -- DOCTOR DANIEL RUMANOS, Extraterrestrial Espionage Agent and Intergalactic Man of Mystery. Even though I have the physical appearance of an human being, I am in fact several thousands of years old and do carry within my blood the vastly superior genes of the legendary Aeternusians or “Watchers” of the Daemon-Star ALGOL. Originating ninety-three light years from Earth, we are the most intellectually advanced race in all of the known galaxies, whose technology is so sophisticated it often appears to be “magic” and “miraculous” to lesser beings.
Whilst most Algolites tend to keep to themselves, preferring to live in elitist seclusion from the rest of the Universe and thus merely observing the goings-on of the myriad races of the vast reaches around them, I am an Operative for a secret organisation known as the KOSMIKOS or Cosmic Intervention Department, tasked with maintaining peace and order throughout the farthest reaches of Space and Time. You know, “plausible deniability”, and all of that sort of thing. It is our ongoing mission to defend the weak, the unfortunate, and the innocent from those who would harm or exploit them.
Currently assigned to Earth, I protect its people (both upon their own planet and across the eternal void) from the hideous manipulations of the arch-villain known as Magister Don Wingus, along with his dangerously-seductive daughter, Anastasia, and his occult terrorist organisation, Spectral Paranormal; as well as from alien invasions, mad scientists, mutated monstrosities, power-crazed dictators, and indeed all manner of menace. Assisted by my friends -- the beautiful young Hollywood starlet Miss Millie “The Girl From Beyond” Drake, and our catlike robot known as Kit-10 -- I am the living icon of Algol on this world. I am a Knight of the Eternal Spires. I am the professor of the impossible, the purveyor of Pure Mystery, the saviour of the Cosmos, and the sword of justice from the planet Daemonia. I am the cosmic crusader. I am the stellar swashbuckler.
These are my memoirs. This is my story.
I am -- THE DAEMON-STAR!!! …
“The Holy Grail?!” inquired Mille Drake, a look of wonder on her lovely face. “Are you serious, Daniel?”
“As serious as anyone could ever be, love,” I replied in earnest. “According to Psychic Weapons Expert Quaddos, it is hidden somewhere near by, and we must find it before someone else does.”
I had rejoined Millie just next to a refreshment stand called “Lemon People”, from which she had purchased lemonades for us both. The stand was served by an attractive young Latina in a simple pink dress whose nametag said “Sarita”, and it was particularly noticeable on the beach due to its neon sign, which flashed the name and logo of the business noticeably even on this bright sunny day.
“So the Grail is a real thing,” asked Millie, “and it’s in California?”
Miss Millie Drake, my Junior Agent and partner as Operatives of the Kosmikos, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady, petite and perfect with rich chestnut hair, enchanting blue-violet eyes, sun kissed skin, and a sensuously wide mouth. The tight, short, colourful sundress she wore only served to highlight the soft curves of her slender teenage figure.
“Quite so, my dear,” I told her. “The Grail, you see, is actually an ancient weapon, known in religious mythology as the emerald jewel that fell from the crown of Lucifer during the war in heaven. This, of course, is a vague memory of the Galactic Wars, in which Lucifer-Asteroth was commanding general of the armies of Andromeda.”
“So what is the Grail, really?” questioned Millie Drake. “You said it was some kind of weapon from the wars, but how was it also a jewel?”
“It was in actuality a sort of computer chip imbedded in the helmet worn by the general,” I explained. “It had the power of amplifying his thoughts and transmitting them to the army, so that his orders would be understood and immediately obeyed. It shone with an eldritch green light, which is what led to the term ‘Lucifer’ having the connotation of ‘light-bearer’.”
“Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Millie. “So it would be very dangerous if the wrong person got a hold of it!”
“Quite so, Mills,” I agreed, glancing around at the other beachgoers enjoying that sunny day. “The Grail is perhaps the most dangerous object ever to end up on Earth, which it did in a desperate attempt to hide itself when the Andromedans were finally defeated. However, even the Algolites underestimated the Grail’s abilities. You see, the Holy Grail has a certain mentalist consciousness of its own, and once it was hidden even our own advanced Watcher technology failed to find it again!”
“But Daniel, I read the King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table stories about the Holy Grail. It was in Israel and then brought to Britain, wasn’t it? How did it end up in California?”
“That is quite a story in itself, love. You see, after the Crusades, the Grail ended up in the hands of some friars of the Franciscan Order. Some centuries later, they brought it with them when they came as missionaries here. They managed to hold it in safekeeping until the year 1829, when there was a Native American uprising in retaliation for the local tribal chief’s daughter having been raped by soldiers from the local Presidio. In this that tribe, known as the Diegueno, ransacked the Mission and burned it to the ground. From that day forward, the Grail was never found.”
“But if it’s still around here -- I mean so close -- can’t it be detected in some way?” asked Millie.
“Perhaps so,” I replied. “As Algolites we can sense its presence to a certain extent, but it indeed has a certain element that shields itself from precise detection. Here, let us see…”
I reached into the pocket of my jacket and retrieved an object resembling a large writing pen -- actually an highly advanced electronic instrument known as the transonic turnscrew. I activated a certain setting and utilised the device to scan the area.
“According to the transonic,” I said, upon looking at the resultant readings, “there is indeed some otherworldly technology present. However, its exact nature is not being revealed, and neither is its precise location.”
“It’s too bad Kit-10 isn’t here. She could help look for the Grail with her scanners.”
“Perhaps, but you know how seawater tends to disagree with her circuitry.” …
Little did we know that, at that very moment, someone was watching us. Standing behind a near by outcropping of rock were three figures. The first was a man of middle years, his face still showing signs of handsome distinction despite being marred with the marks of seemingly lifetimes of profane wickedness. His hair was long and dark, and his visage decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. Most of all, his eyes shone with an absolute hypnotic glow. He was clad in a silk suit of shiny black.
Beside him was an insanely voluptuous young girl with raven hair and luminous blue-green eyes, her lips made up like an inviting gash of red. She was wearing only a scarlet hued string bikini, barely concealing the aureolas of her wonderfully full and firm adolescent breasts.
The man was, of course, my own archenemy -- the renegade Watcher and master criminal known to eternal infamy as Don Wingus. The girl was his dangerously insane and hazardously alluring daughter, Anastasia “Stacy“ Wingus.
“Rumanos is here as I predicted,” said Wingus, a grin of unspeakable evil appearing on his features. “I knew the possibility of locating the Holy Grail would be irresistible to him and to that meddling Kosmikos.”
“But Father,” said the girl, “we haven’t found the Grail yet either. You just said it’s somewhere around here.”
“We shall find it soon, Stacy,” replied the villain. “It is said that the Grail only reveals itself to the worthy, and I -- Magister Don Wingus, rightful ruler of the Universe -- am the most worthy of all.”
“But what if Doctor Rumanos and his… friend... get in the way?” queried Anastasia.
“Oh, we have a way of dealing with him. Indeed we do.”
With this, Wingus turned to the third figure. It was a tall and hugely muscled man, clad only in an incongruous pair of Bermuda shorts. He was dark complexioned and his face was of a strange simian caste. Patches of coarse brownish-orange hair covered his entire body.
“Harry,” said Don Wingus, “go and hurt that man. Go and crush the accursed Doctor Daniel Rumanos.”
With this, the huge ape-man grunted in reply and loped off in our direction. …
Millie Drake had struck up a conversation with Sarita, the girl working at the lemonade stand.
“My parents started it,” said Sarita, her voice having a surprisingly American lilt despite her Latin features. “My dad is Mexican, and my mom is from Alabama. We have this stand here in Imperial Beach and another just north of here in San Diego. We get some famous people here sometimes. Once that supermodel, Lainey Milligan, actually stopped by and had some lemonade when she was doing a photo-shoot on the beach. She’s so pretty! In fact, she kind of looks like you!”
“Awww, thank you,” replied Millie. “It sounds like a fun business to have.”
“Oh it is,” replied Sarita. “This was the first one, and my dad even made that special sign with some light filament he found at a junk shop just over the border in Tijuana. See the way it shines so brightly even in the sunlight?”
“Yes, I did notice that,” said I. “In fact, I was wondering if…”
My words were then cut short by Sarita screaming at something she had seen approaching from behind us. Millie and I whirled around to face what it was.
What we then beheld was an horror indeed. It was an huge apelike man or manlike ape, tall and thickly muscled, his face a simian nightmare. Before I could even react, the hairy and horrid creature reached out his long arms and picked me up, then savagely throwing me several metres distant!
I attempted to regain my feet, but before I could do so the brute was upon me, leaping the distance in between whilst letting out an animalistic screech of challenge.
I just managed to push him off with my feet, making the ape-man stagger a bit whilst I then stood up. The creature then again charged to-wards me, and I hit him with several blows of my fists -- finding that these had little effect upon the huge beast-man. He then hit me with a blow to the head that sent me staggering, then raised his huge hairy hands and wrapped them around my throat.
Whilst this was happening, Millie Drake had run over from the lemonade stand and approached where my fight with the ape-man continued. She circled around us, looking for an opportunity to help me in my battle with the terrible thing.
I felt consciousness beginning to leave me as the brute continued choking me. Fortunately, I then managed to get my knee into his groan, at which the beast let out a scream of pain and relaxed his grip just enough for me to break free. He then recovered quickly, however, and soon began to reach out for me again, his horrid countenance creased with fury.
I just managed to avoid his grasp this time, and hit him with a fist to his bestial face. He responded with two quick and quite painful blows to my midsection.
It was then that Millie finally found her chance. Whilst the ape-man was preparing to hit me again -- a pummelling that I knew would soon become more than I could bear -- she jump up and landed a perfect kung fu kick directly to the back of his head.
The beast-man reacted in shock to the surprise blow and, before he could recover from this distraction, I reached out and applied my fingers to a certain pressure point on the side of his neck, sending him into immediate unconsciousness there on the sandy beach.
Millie Drake then ran over to me.
“Are you all right, Daniel?” she inquired concernedly.
“Yes, I shall be fine now,” I assured her, “thanks to your help. You are indeed becoming quite efficient with the fighting techniques, hmmm?”
“Fortunately, I had you as my teacher,” winked the wonderful young lady. “But what is that thing? He looks like some kind of half-breed ape-man!”
I glanced around for a moment, noticing that the other beachgoers, although briefly distracted by my fight with the brutish creature, were now returning to their vacation enjoyments. I then took the transonic device from my pocket and held it over the prostrate creature.
“Fascinating,” said I upon scanning the thing. “He is indeed an ape-human hybrid.”
“But, Daniel,” said Millie, “is that even possible?”
“It is quite uncommon,” I replied, returning the instrument to my jacket pocket, “but just feasible, especially in certain rather primitive cultures.”
“But why is he here, and why did he attack you?” questioned Millie
“That is what concerns me most. He had to have been brought here by someone, and that someone had to have a particularly hypnotic ability in order to employ such a savage creature.”
“Oh my goodness Daniel! You don’t think it could be… ?”
However, another voice then interrupted Millie Drake’s question. It was a man’s voice, and in truth a voice known to me only too well. It was the voice of my oldest and most dangerous enemy, the renegade Algolite who has become the most notorious criminal in all of Time and Space.
“Oh it indeed could be,” he said, his voice a mockery of all that is right and true. “Greetings, Miss Drake and Doctor Rumanos. We have been expecting your meddling, as always.”
They had walked out from an hiding place behind a near by outcropping of rock. The speaker was clad all in black, with a grin of unspeakably insane evil upon his face, a large handgun in his grasp, and an insanely voluptuous teen girl in a scarlet string bikini by his side.
“Don Wingus and your daughter Anastasia,” I said. “I should have known. So you did escape from the Archiveion.”
“Oh indeed, Rumanos,” the villain replied. “Indeed. I see you have had some trouble with my friend Harry.”
“Luckily you had your little girlfriend here to help you,” stated Stacy jealously.
“Your bestial henchman will be out for a while, hmmm?” I told them. “Fortunately that old Daemonian jujitsu neck-pinched worked upon whatever species he actually is.”
“Oh, you have caused him no permanent damage, I assure you,” continued Don Wingus. “Harry here is quite resilient. He is a previously rare but increasingly common specimen. You see, he is from a village in Borneo which is becoming known for its orangutan prostitutes.”
“Sounds like just the kind of company you usually keep, hmmm?” I charged. “So, why are you here? Something in this area of interest to you, is it?”
“Oh, quite so,” Wingus rejoined. “Yes, I know all about the Holy Grail, and it will soon be in my grasp. I shall utilise its power in order to take my rightful place as Emperor of the Universe. As for now, I intend to assure that you do nothing to stop me”
With this, the evil Don Wingus raised the handgun and aimed it directly at me, his finger tightening on the trigger!
Then, just as Wingus pulled the trigger, his daughter reached over and touched his hand.
“No, Father!” she said. “Please don’t hurt Doctor Rumanos! I want him! Please let me have him when you come into your empire! Please, Father, will you?!”
The bullet had just missed me, due to the interference of Stacy Wingus, and had harmlessly hit the sand by my feet.
“Stacy, you little strumpet!” shouted Don Wingus at his daughter. “Your obsession with this cursed Daniel Rumanos is an infernal annoyance to me and most cease!”
Whilst the villain was thus distracted with admonishing his daughter, I quickly kicked the gun from his hand, sending it flying far away upon the beach.
“Your efforts will be of no avail, Rumanos,” stated Wingus. “The time of my ascension to supreme ruler of all is nigh, and when the power of the Grail is mine, nothing will be able to stand against me.”
“By the Stellar Triplicity!” I swore. “Wingus, what makes you think that a felonious fiend such as yourself would ever be able to utilise the power of that which is known as the Holy Grail? Why, the very idea is ludicrous.”
“In that you are wrong,” mocked my foe, “for when you have been here enjoying your lemonade, I have been…”
“Enjoying your lemon incest?” I offered.
“I have been in contact,” continued Wingus, ignoring my taunt, “with the very essence of the Grail itself. I have felt its psychic presence here at Imperial Beach. For here, amongst the ocean surf and swaying palm trees, lies that very object of power -- that object that has been the subject of quests and crusades for so many generations of this planet’s history.”
“Indeed it has,” I agreed. “From the time of the medieval knighthoods and on through thousands of years of human history, the quest for the Grail has persisted. It has also been a subject of speculation by many, as to what its nature exactly is. The Nazis looked for it as well, but they had no idea where it was. You know what, Wingus? I do not think you know where it is either.”
“You lie, Rumanos,” countered the criminal. “You know, as I do, that the Grail is here near by. As Algolites we can both sense its presence.”
“Quite right,” I affirmed. “Quite right. But where is it exactly? That much has thus far eluded you, hmmm? You indeed sense the presence of the Grail. You have even mentally communed with it to a certain degree, perhaps. None the less, you have not succeeded in finding its actual location!”
“Neither have you, Rumanos. Neither have you.”
“In that you are in error, Wingus. I now know exactly where the Grail is. In fact, I have known since before our conversation here even began.”
“Impossible,” spat the villain.
“Oh, not at all,” I countered. “You see, unlike you, I have not the need to constantly announce my knowledge of certain things as a show of power.”
Millie Drake then spoke.
“Daniel,” she said, “do you mean the Holy Grail is really… ?”
“Quite so, my dear Mills,” I affirmed. “Quite so. The Grail is… the filament powering the ‘Lemon People’ sign!”
With this, the said sign suddenly brightened in intensity -- a light so bright that the very sunlight seemed diminished by its presence. Then the object extracted itself from the neon fixture; an object like an emerald jewel in the shape of a bowl -- an object that then hovered above us, sending forth waves of intense green light in all directions.
“Behold,” I announced, “the Holy Grail!!”
For a moment, Magister Don Wingus stood in awe at this spectacle. It was then the sound of his daughter’s voice that brought back his concentration.
“Father, look!” shouted Anastasia.
At that very moment, the emerald light had focused itself and changed its course. Forsooth, at that time the light had begun to flow directly to-wards the evil Don Wingus!
“You have failed, Rumanos!” he insisted as the energy entered his body. “You have failed! The power of the Grail is mine! Even now I feel it strengthening me, and affirming my right to rule all! You have failed, and I -- Magister Don Wingus of Algol -- have the very power of the Holy Grail within me; power that I shall use to conquer the Universe!!”
And with this, as the emerald energies continued to flow into him, Don Wingus let forth with a mad laugh of demoniacal triumph!
Is it at all possible, my dear friends and most indulgent readers, for you to begin even to comprehend the absolute horror, in truth the extreme satanic terror of this extremely grotesque and supremely bizarre situation? There we were, on that southern California beach, facing the evil villain known to eternal infamy as Magister Don Wingus; he who had now claimed the very power of the Holy Grail itself -- a power that even now was beginning to flow through and empower him!
“Daniel, what can we do?!” cried Millie Drake. “We can’t let him have the powers of the Grail!”
“I know Millie,” I rejoined. “The very idea is absolutely obscene!”
Suddenly, in a flash of bright orange and blue light, a figure appeared, hovering in the sky a few metres above us. It was Master Quaddos. With his appearance, something changed with the glow from the Grail. It remained for a moment within and around the form of Don Wingus, but its focus seemed to change -- to change from a frequency of empowerment to one of destruction.
“No!” shouted Wingus. “No! No! No! You cannot do this to me! I am now the Master of the Grail! You cannot take this from me! No!!!”
With this, the emerald light then yet again intensified, covering Don Wingus, his daughter Stacy, and the still-unconscious Harry the ape-man.
“Daniel,” said Millie Drake, “what is happening?”
“Look up and see, Mills,” I instructed. “Look at Master Quaddos and see.”
She did so, and beheld as I did that the old Algolite was making certain passes with his hands, passes that were directing the light into its current course.
“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed Millie. “How is he doing that?!”
“He as received emergency powers from the Universal Overseer,” I explained, “and will now be able to handle the situation.”
We heard Anastasia Wingus scream and her father bellow with pain and indignation. Then the light again changed direction and began to flow backwards -- backwards into the Grail itself. When all of it had been absorbed back into the object, the glow then peacefully faded away. Then, with a flash of bright orange and blue light, the Holy Grail itself vanished from the beach.
We looked and saw that Wingus, Stacy, and Harry were gone -- gone as if they had never even been there.
Master Quaddos then floated down from above and stood beside us next to the lemonade stand. I went and retrieved the gun that Wingus had used and placed it safely in my pocket, so it could not be discovered by anyone on the beach and in any way harm the innocent.
“You make an excellent field operative, Quaddos.” I praised upon returning to the Lemon People stand. “So has the Grail been sent to Daemonia?”
“Sure enough!” replied Quaddos. “It will be kept in safe storage by the Absolute Convention from now on.”
“But look,” said Millie Drake “the ‘Lemon People’ sign is shining like before.”
“Oh, I took care of that as well, Mistress Drake,” said the jolly old Algolite. “I put in an Algolitish filament that should empower it for many Earth years to come.”
“Hopefully Wingus and his cohorts have been destroyed by the power,” I pondered. “I wonder if…”
I then perceived another voice interrupting me. It was Sarita, who had been hiding behind the stand until now.
“Ummm,” she said, “now that whatever that was is over with, would anyone like some lemonade?”
“Quite so,” I replied. “Another round for Millie and me, and one for our good friend Quaddos here.”
I looked around and noticed that the other beachgoers had by now fully returned to their usual revels. We got our drinks and I raised mine in salute to the round-faced old Algolite.
“Cheers, my friend,” I toasted.
“Sure enough,” replied Quaddos. “Cheers to you!”
“Cheers,” added Millie Drake.
“Oh, one other thing, Agent Rumanos,” said Quaddos, after enjoying a long quaff of his lemonade. “Before I go back to Daemonia, I was wondering if you and young Agent Drake could aid me in another quest.”
“We would be honoured to do so,” I replied.
“Of course, Master Quaddos,” said Millie. “What is it?’
“I am interested in sampling something I have heard about that is said to be available at Earth locations such as this,” explained the Algolite, a humorous twinkle in his eyes. “It is called ‘funnel cake’!”
***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN
