THE RASPUTIN RELIC

It began in a tiny shop called “Russian Treasures”, nestled on a side street in Queens. It was there that Sara Sloan, a rather frumpy middle-aged woman with hair the colour of excrement, found the thing. It was a sort of stone or crystal, grey of hue, and she felt it was calling to her. She immediately purchased it and left the shop.

In the days to come, Sara Sloan heard the sound of chanting from the stone; chanting in a language she knew not for what it was -- Old Church Slavonic. With the chanting was a strange mist-like energy that seemed to surround Sloan there in her loft apartment, and with this was accompanied a vision. Forsooth, it was a vision of a tall man clad in black vestments and with a long beard; his eyes a flaming glow. It was a vision of Rasputin! …

Millie Drake and I had no trouble entering that Queens apartment, my own escape artist skills quickly taking care of the lock. We entered and found it quiet and seemingly deserted, with only a few sticks of furniture to show that it was or recently had been inhabited.

“So this is really where the energy reading was detected to be coming from?” asked Millie.

“Quite so, love," I affirmed; “the energy reading that signified the re-energising of an object once belonging to a very powerful mystic, hmmm?”

I -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, alien secret agent and occult investigator -- was clad in my usual finery; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, panama hat, Magen David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.

My companion, known as Miss Millie Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, lovely violet eyes, and sun-kissed skin. The purple dress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.

“And you suspect this object actually belonged to Rasputin and… Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Millie.

I whirled around to see what had so startled my assistant and beheld an horror indeed. It was a floating mist-like energy, deep grey in colour -- and it was headed directly to-wards us!

Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the weird energy mist again vanished.

“That was simply an echo,” I pondered, twiddling my frills. “It was a warning of what we shall experience here. The actual power from the Rasputin relic shall be much more powerful.”

Suddenly a woman’s voice spoke from behind us. “You’re right about that, Doctor. The powers of Rasputin are more than you can handle.”

Millie and I turned around to face the speaker and beheld a frumpy middle aged woman clad in a cheap brand of pantsuit. She glared at me with a look of extreme hatred.

“You would be Sara Sloan, hmmm?” I enquired. “The current resident of this apartment. It was you that purchased and re-activated the crystal stone that once belonged to Rasputin.”

“That’s right,” she affirmed, “I bought the stone and started seeing visions of Rasputin. I knew that I would bring his power back to the world.”

“Ms. Sloan,” said Millie Drake, “don’t you know that what you’re doing is dangerous? Rasputin was a powerful mystic, and his power shouldn’t be in the hands of anyone who isn’t prepared to…”

Sara Sloan suddenly broke into a loud cackle. “Oh, listen to your little teenager! You’ve trained her well to say these lies, Doctor -- or should I say ‘groomed’ her?”

“We have no time for this foolishness, Sloan,” I announced. “You must surrender the stone to us before your unauthorised usage of it brings forth chaos upon this city.”

“No, Doctor. I won’t give up the Rasputin Stone to you or anyone. Its power is mine and I want it!”

With this, Sara Sloan opened her hand and revealed the very crystal stone, just as an huge mass of the grey magical power suddenly formed around her, spinning with a force like unto a cyclone of darksome terror and accompanied with a sound like unto the sighs of a thousand accursed spirits.

“Daniel, look out!” cried Millie. “It’s headed directly at us!”

Nevertheless, we could not react before the awful satanic power hit us. It smashed into Millie and me with a force stronger than any mere physical one, sending us careening uncontrollably across the apartment.

“You will now die, Doctor!” exulted the insane woman known as Sara Sloan. “With the power of Rasputin, I will now kill you!”

Do you comprehend the horror, in truth the sheer terror of what we were experiencing? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos -- facing the hideous woman known to damnation as Sara Sloan. There we were, as our opponent unleashed the power of the strange stone she had acquired from the Russian Treasures curio shop -- the very power of the notorious mystic known as Rasputin!!

“Die, Doctor!” repeated the insane Sara Sloan. “Die, and leave me to be with the power of Rasputin!!”

I managed to struggle to my feet from where I had fallen from the powers of the darkling mist force that continued to menace me. I looked and saw that Millie had been knocked unconscious and now lay motionless -- but breathing, thank God -- near by.

Knowing what I had to do, I then turned around and waved my hand to-wards the whirling energies, causing them to halt for an instant before they then reversed their direction -- heading back at Sara Sloan.

"How... ?" Sloan stammered. "Doctor, how have you done this?!"

“What I create,” said I. “I can also control.”

“What!” Sara Sloan cried in sudden horror. “You mean… you were Rasputin?!”

“I can assure you, Sloan,” I replied, “I still am!”

The swirling grey energy had by now surrounded Sloan, howling and spinning like unto an hurricane of magical justice.

“No!’ she screamed. “No! No! Please, noooooooo!”

Within a few seconds of time, the awesome energy mist had obliterated Sara Sloan from sight. Then it blinked out of existence -- taking the madwoman with it!

I ran over to Millie and saw that she was just awakening from her swoon. I carefully helped her to her feet.

“Daniel... What happened?” she queried.

“Sara Sloan lost control of the Rasputin powers and they consumed her,” I reported. “Her physical existence has been terminated, and her soul has been dispersed into the farthest corners of Creation as punishment for dabbling in the affairs of wizards, hmmm?”

“Well, I guess she deserved that,” said Millie, having recovered with the alacrity of the young. “What about the Rasputin Stone?”

I walked over and picked up the old crystal where it had fallen when Sloan had vanished. I glanced at it a moment before slipping it safely into my jacket pocket.

“We shall take the Rasputin Stone with us for safekeeping in our own collection of occult artefacts,” I announced. “It shall trouble this world no further.”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

DELUXE ITALIAN JOB

“So the talisman that was stolen from the Met was actually made by Leonardo da Vinci?” wondered Millie Drake. “I know some say he put occult symbolism in his paintings, but did he really practice magic?”

“Quite so, love,” I affirmed. “An interest in the occult was quite the rage amongst the artistic set during the Italian Renaissance. It was kind of a way for them to ‘thumb their nose’ at the Church, hmmm?”

We had just arrived at the Hotel Deluxe, there in downtown Manhattan, in my specially-modified golden Cadillac convertible. I -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, scion of the Watchers of Algol and intergalactic espionage agent currently assigned to Earth -- was clad in my usual finery; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, panama hat, jungle boots, Star of David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.

My companion, known as Miss Millie Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting violet eyes, and a sun-kissed complexion. The purple dress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.

We parked in the hotel’s underground lot, then taking the elevator up to the fourteenth floor.

“This is where our systems at HQ detected the energy readings coming from?” asked Millie as we exited the lift; “the readings that might be the kind of thing this Leonardo Talisman could conjure?”

“Quite so,” I replied, twiddling my frills. “The readings seemed to show the presence of Shedim spirits, those demonic beings of ancient Hebrew lore similar to what the Muslims call jinn. An interest in both Judaism and Islam was also rather popular during old Leo’s time.”

I took an object from my pocket -- gold in colour and covered with Hebrew lettering -- and used it to scan the area.

“Spires of Daemonia!” I swore upon looking at the results. “According to the transonic mezuzah, the Shedim energy is indeed present here -- and quite powerful!”

“We need to track down the person doing this,” announced Millie. “They are probably the same one who stole the talisman, right? Then we can… Oh my gosh!”

I whirled around to see what had so startled my young assistant, and beheld an horror indeed. It was like unto a cloud of black and grey energy floating down the hotel corridor -- directly at us!!

Then, just before it reached us, the eldritch horror vanished.

“Daniel, what was that?!” Millie cried.

“It was Shedim energy,” I explained. “The very power of those disincarnate spirits that represent a race of beings which once ruled the planet. It was just a small manifestation -- a reverse echo of the much more massive phantasmal terror we shall have to face if someone has indeed succeeded in properly conjuring them.”

With this, we continued our course down the corridor, now guided by the direction from which the ghostly form had emerged. We entered the room at the far end of the hallway, my escape artist skills quickly opening the lock. It was dark inside except for two ebon black candles on top of a table which was covered by a similarly-black altar cloth. At the centre of the table was a copper disk engraved with numerous cabalistic sigils.

“The Leonardo Talisman,” I whispered to Millie.

Then, emerging from the shadows, was a figure. It was the figure of a man wearing a black business suit with a long blood-red necktie. He appeared to be of middle years, his face still distinctly handsome despite being marred with the signs of lifetimes of extreme wickedness. His hair was long and dark, and his visage was decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. Most of all, his pale eyes shone with an intense hypnotic glare.

Of course, I recognised him immediately. I recognised him as the renegade Algolite who has become the most dangerous and wanted criminal in all the Cosmos, and my own most persistent enemy.

“Don Wingus!” I said. “Of course. I should have known. So it was you that purloined the Leonardo Talisman from the museum, and you have been utilising it to call forth the horrid powers of the Shedim!”

“Rumanos, you meddling old malcontent,” sneered the villain, with wisps of black and grey energy beginning to swirl about him. “Not at all surprising to see you and your little friend here, but it is of no consequence. I have already availed myself of the powers stored in the talisman, augmented by my own superior Algolitish mind, to call forth the powers of the Shedim. They are under my control, and I -- Magister Don Wingus -- shall utilise them to aid me in my conquest of this planet!”

I quickly reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the transonic mezuzah. Nevertheless, before I could activate the device, Don Wingus raised his hand and shot forth a blast of the darksome Shedim energy, hitting the mezuzah and sending it flying across the room.

“It is too late, Rumanos,” exulted Wingus. “The powers of the Leonardo Talisman are mine, and the Shedim will now destroy your very existence!!”

At this, an horridly huge mass of the demonic energy, accompanied by a sound like unto the chanting of an hundred thousand satanic souls, suddenly burst forth from Don Wingus directly to-wards Millie and me!

Is it possible, dear readers, for you to comprehend the horror, forsooth the sheer terror of what we were then experiencing? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and myself -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos -- facing the intergalactic criminal known to infamy as Don Wingus. There we were, as Wingus released the horrible Shedim powers directly at us -- the very powers he had called forth with the aid of the stolen Leonardo da Vinci Talisman, and which he intended to use to conquer the entire world!

“The Shedim shall destroy you, Rumanos!” repeated the evil Don Wingus amidst his own mad laughter. “You shall die, and I shall rule Earth!”

The Shedim energy hit us with extreme force, sending us sprawling across the room and separating us. Then the horror really began.

Within the swirling maelstrom of demoniacal power we could see things, things beyond the ken of sanity; forms and shapes of utter screaming madness beyond all mortal endurance. There were flashings of hairy creatures with twisted horns and grotesquely glowing eyes and other things of insane otherworldly terror from outside of the realm of any possible reality.

As horrid as these sights were, it was strangely difficult to avert one’s gaze from them. Nevertheless, I struggled until I managed to do so, looking over at my dear Millie. I saw that she was similarly attempting to turn away from the whirling spectacle of horror; and I also beheld a familiar and welcome object on the floor next to her.

“Millie!” I shouted across the room. “The mezuzah!”

She then noticed what I had seen; that she had fallen just next to where my device had landed earlier. She immediately picked it up and tossed it to me.

I caught the transonic mezuzah and, quickly programming the proper setting, raised it on high.

“Be gone, foul spirits of the Shedim!” I said. “Hashem the God of Israel commands it!”

With this, the awful dark energies that had surrounded Millie and me suddenly reversed course -- in stead heading directly to-wards Don Wingus!

“No!” Wingus bellowed in sudden consternation as the black and grey demonic energies surrounded him. "No! Nooooo!!”

Then the Shedim energy suddenly imploded, folding inwards upon the evil Don Wingus. A moment later, with a sound like unto a tearing of worlds, both the power and Wingus simply vanished.

I glanced around the room whilst scanning it with the mezuzah. All was now quiet.

Millie ran over and embraced me. “Is it gone? Has it taken Don Wingus with it?”

“Quite so, my dear,” I assured her, returning the mezuzah to my pocket. “The power of the Shedim could not resist the rite of exorcism. It turned upon the one who conjured it, and now both the demonic energy and Wingus have been imprisoned in the dimension known as Hell.”

“But what about the Leonardo Talisman?” queried Millie.

I picked up the old copper disk from the table and put it safely in my pocket. “It can now be safely returned to the museum. This experience has drained the last of the power that was stored in it. This particularly dark part of the otherwise brilliant legacy of Leonardo da Vinci -- artist, polymath, and occult experimenter -- is at an end.”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

DREAM EVIL

“Olympianoid energy?” wondered Millie Drake. “Is that really what it is?”

“So it appears, my dear,” said I, rechecking the readout on my device before returning it to my pocket. “According to the transonic mezuzah, our instruments at headquarters were correct. There is indeed an energy signature here at the Hotel Grande of the type associated with the Olympianoids, that immensely-powerful alien race (related to our own Algolitish kind) that visited Earth during the Bronze Age and became the ‘gods’ of the ancient Greeks and Romans, hmmm?”

We had arrived at the downtown hotel that night, utilising our mentalist abilities to prevent any undue attention being paid to us. I -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, extraterrestrial espionage agent -- was clad in my usual finery, including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, panama hat, Magen David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.

My assistant, known as Miss Millie Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting violet eyes, and sun-kissed skin. The pink dress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.

“So Daniel,” she said. “You said this might have something to do with all those weird dreams people have been having lately, right?”

“Quite so,” I affirmed. “The energy seems to be specifically of the type associated with the Olympianoid known as Somnus, himself a scientist who did a series of experiments with the humans of that time. He was attempting to find out if he could increase Earthling psychic abilities by stimulating their dream cycles.”

“And this is why he is remembered as the Roman god of sleep and dreaming?”

“Quite so, love. His experiments were non-conclusive, and…”

“Oh my gosh!” Millie suddenly exclaimed. “Look!”

I whirled around to see what had so startled my companion and beheld some weirdness indeed. We had by now arrived at the lounge behind the hotel’s entranceway, little used at this late hour. What I saw was a floating mass of black and blue energy, pulsating with a steady eldritch rhythm -- and heading directly to-wards us!

Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the weird energy vanished.

“By the Triple Star!” I swore. “That was only an echo, a small part of the Somnus energy. When it manifests in full, it shall be far more perilous, hmmm?”

We had by now taken ourselves to the part of the hotel our instruments had determined as exhibiting the strongest emanations. It was a currently-unused ballroom at the far end of a corridor leading off the front lobby. We cautiously entered the room and investigated further.

“Daniel, look!” cried Millie, indicating something at the far end of the room. “Isn’t that…?”

It was a figure clad in a black business suit with a long blood-red necktie. He appeared to be a man of middle years, his face still distinctly handsome despite being marred with the results of lifetimes of extreme unhallowed evil. His hair was long and dark, and his visage decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. Most of all, his pale eyes shone with an intense hypnotic glare.

Of course, I recognised him immediately as my own oldest and most dangerous enemy -- the renegade Algolite who has become the most wanted criminal in all of Time and Space.

“You!” I exclaimed as we approached him. “Don Wingus. I should have known. So it is you that is conjuring the powers of the old Roman god Somnus, and thus causing the strange dreams that have been plaguing people of late, hmmm? All this no doubt in an attempt to further one of your evil schemes.”

“I have already achieved more than even you can imagine, Rumanos,” sneered Wingus, as wisps of the black and blue energy began to play about him. “Using knowledge found in certain ancient books, augmented with my own Algolitish mind powers, I have evoked the remnant of the experiments of Somnus, using it to enter the minds of the humans in their sleep. This ability I will use to bring them under my power, that I -- Magister Don Wingus -- may take my rightful place as supreme ruler of this world!”

“By the Eternal Spires!” I swore. “Wingus, you are utterly mad! You cannot control the powers of Somnus. Even he was forced to halt his experiments. The powers are just too unpredictable.”

“Oh, but you are incorrect in that, Rumanos,” he returned. “I already have the powers completely under my control -- as you shall now see!”

At that moment, Don Wingus suddenly raised his hands to-wards us, causing a stream of the darksome energy to burst forth directly at Millie and me!

“Feel the energies of Somnus!” he mocked as we staggered backwards from the blast. “Feel the powers that shall desiccate your very minds!”

Do you recognise the horror in this situation? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos -- facing the horrid villain known to infamy as Magister Don Wingus. There we were, as he released the bizarre powers of the ancient Roman god Somnus directly upon us -- forsooth, the same phantasmagorical energy he intended to use in his insane scheme to conquer the planet Earth!

“Feel the powers, Rumanos!” he repeated amidst peals of his own mad laughter. “Feel the powers that are mine; the powers that shall destroy your mind before I go on to use them to become ruler of Earth -- feel the powers of Somnus!!”

The energies had by now greatly increased, imprisoning Millie and me in a swirling maelstrom of ghostly black and blue power, accompanied with a moaning and howling sound like unto the voice of the very harbingers of doom.

“Daniel, this is so terrible…” said Millie. “It makes me feel so tired and… sleepy.”

“I know, my dear Mills,” I told her. “It is the power of Somnus. Fight it! We must stay alert and find a way to defeat this outrage.”

“There is no hope for you, Rumanos and Miss Drake,” announced the villainous Wingus. “The Somnus energy will render you unconscious, then it will fill your sleeping minds with dark dreams -- dreams of absolute gloom that will shatter your very souls!”

The horrid energy had by now increased even further. Millie and I felt ourselves as if trapped within a whirling hurricane of darkling phantasmal horror, in truth a sinister cyclone of absolute despair.

“Take my hand, Millie,” I said, reaching out for her. “Take my hand and concentrate. Remember some of the good times we have had together; when we have been to sunny beaches and concerts and the so many beautiful things we have seen together, hmmm? Think on these things and ignore all attempts to take those memories away!”

I then felt that beautiful lady’s dear little hand in mine and, with the assurance of her touch, I overcame the lethargy of sleep enough to reach into my pocket and retrieve the transonic mezuzah.

“The time has now come,” said I whilst activating a certain setting on the device, “to awaken out of sleep, hmmm?”

Suddenly a sound emanated forth from the mezuzah. It was a noise like unto an alarm clock, and it was accompanied by a light like unto the dawning of day. At once, the dark energy of Somnus began to flee from us, reversing its course and heading towards the evil Don Wingus in stead!

“What!” he cried in sudden fear as he realised what was happening. “Rumanos, you accursed meddler, what have you done?!”

“I simply programmed the mezuzah to send forth a signal of morning coming,” I explained; “of a time when the dark powers of sleep are at an end.”

“No!” bellowed Wingus as the black and blue Somnus powers engulfed him. “No! No! You cannot do this to me! I am Don Wingus, the rightful ruler of this world! You cannot…! No! No!!”

Then the phantasmal Somnus energy imploded, surging inwards upon the evil Wingus. In a split second it vanished -- taking the Algolite criminal with it!

“‘To sleep; perchance to dream’,” I quoted. “I think not!”

I looked around the room. There was no sign of the dark power or of Don Wingus. The horror was gone.

“Are you all right now, Millie?” I queried concernedly.

“Yes, I’m okay now,” she smiled.

“Excellent to hear, love,” I said whilst returning the mezuzah to my pocket. “The powers of sleep are useful when properly controlled, but quite dangerous when misused.”

“So what happened to him?” enquired Millie Drake. “Where did the Somnus energies take Don Wingus?”

“Well, that sort of depends on what symbolism one prefers, hmmm?” I pondered. “Dreamland; the Land of Nod; something like that, I suppose. In any case, it is an inter-dimensional realm from which he shall not easily escape.”

“Well, that’s good!” cheered my companion.

“I say, my dear Millie,” said I as we began to exit the ballroom. “It is only a little after midnight. Since our work here is done, let us leave the hotel and find an all-night cafe where we can have a couple of highly-caffeinated espressos, hmmm? For some reason, that sounds quite appropriate!”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

SHOOT SHOOT

I took the transonic mezuzah from my pocket whilst Millie Drake and I entered Amity Regional High School (having utilised my escape artist skills to unlock the door) there in the Connecticut town known as Orange, then using the device to scan the area from the vestibule.

“By the Triple Star!” I swore upon glancing at the resultant readings. “Our equipment back at NYC headquarters was indeed correct. This school building is absolutely infested with demonic entities!”

I was clad in my usual finery that day, including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, panama hat, Star of David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.

My companion, known as Miss Millie Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting violet eyes, and a sun-kissed complexion. The lilac-hued dress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.

“Oh my gosh!” exclaimed Millie. “Well, it’s good that it’s summertime and school isn’t in session so we can investigate and do an exorcism!”

“Quite right, my dear Mills,” I agreed. “Of course, Amity Regional High School has not been quite the same since that mass shooting here two semesters ago, hmmm? The shooter killed twenty-six people; twenty-four students and two staff members, using an assault rifle he had obtained at the local Milmart department store. He was himself a disgruntled student, and his internet history showed an interest in the occult and devil-worship. He was then shot and killed by the police.”

“That’s why the demonic things were attracted?” queried my companion. “Especially so, I mean. I know they're often drawn to violence and suffering.”

“Indeed they are,” I pondered. “What are known as ‘demons’ are actually, as you know, the psychic remains of certain ancient extraterrestrials; Shedim, Cacodemons, Shaitans, Maskim, and the like. Now you see, much concerning this case was under-reported by the news media -- at the request of local politicians, I might add. There were certain aspects of it that would have been particularly concerning and indeed quite troubling to the public, and…”

“My goodness, Daniel!” Millie cried. “Look at that!”

I looked up to see what had so startled my companion and beheld an horror. It was an hovering mass of ebon black energy floating down the school corridor -- directly to-wards us!

I started to raise my mezuzah against the demonic force, but it then just vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

“That was just an echo,” I said, returning the device safely to my pocket. “The full demonic manifestation will be centred in the classroom where the shooting occurred, and will be much more powerful!”

We then continued our investigative course down the school corridor.

“So Daniel,” said Millie Drake, “you said there was something about this case that would have overly troubled the public. What was it, the occult connections?”

“Not only that, love,” I opined. “There was something else, an element that would have exposed a certain aspect of such tragedies that is little understood by most humans. It was something that made it necessary to ban the security camera footage -- even beyond the sickening carnage it showed -- from the sight of the public. You see, in incidents like this school shooting it is not only the perpetrators that are culpable, it is also the victims. Now, allow me to explain. The cycle of violence leading to such horrors issues from the problems of a modern culture in which young people are sadly devalued as human beings. It is a culture that exploits the beauty of youth -- in fashion and advertising and entertainment -- whilst at the same time limiting their freedom to an extreme degree, hmmm? Teenagers are continuously told that they are not adults, even though biology says otherwise. They are told to whom they can talk, where they can go, and what they can do. Industries control the music they listen to, the films and television programmes they watch, the internet sites they can access, and so on. Most tragically of all, they are told who they can love. It is for these reasons that the rate of severe depression, self-harm, eating disorders, illicit drug use, and even suicide is so hideously high amongst teens. Due to the abuse they endure daily from the crypto-fascist forces of adult society, they have decided they just want to die. They see it ultimately as the only way out of an existence that offers them no hope but to eventually ‘grow up’ and become part of the system. Ah, here we are!”

Millie and I had arrived at the door of the classroom in which the massacre had occurred. We opened the door and entered. All signs of the tragedy had of course been scrubbed away, and what we beheld was a normal-appearing secondary schoolroom, with a chalk board at the front, a series of desks and chairs in the middle, and a larger teacher’s desk in the back. Along the side were a few shelves on which were graphic novels that the kind instructor allowed the students to peruse if they finished their work early.

Then all hell broke loose.

We were suddenly surrounded by noise. It was a sound like unto a mixture of baying hounds, screaming victims of torture, and the feral growls of predatory beasts. The horrid noise was amplified beyond the level of anything in physical existence.

With this was a visionary horror, far larger than the black shape we had previously seen. It filled the room and hid all else from us, and was blacker black than black can ever be, a swirling mass of darksome evil inhabited by repulsive sights of writhing tentacles and dripping slime. It whorled about us like unto a cyclone of satanic fear.

I started to reach into my pocket for the transonic mezuzah, but was suddenly prevented from this by one of the phantasmagorical tentacles, which shot out and slapped both Millie and me to the floor!

Do you see the horror, forsooth the extreme terror of this situation, my dear friends and most devoted readers? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and myself -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, Knight of the Eternal Spires. There we were, investigating the demon-infested crime scene of Amity Regional High School in the town of Orange, Connecticut. There we were -- having been knocked off our feet by a gigantic conglomeration of darksome demoniacal entities that even now was threatening to attack us further!

“Daniel, what can we do?!” screamed Millie.

“Stay strong, Mills,” I encouraged her. “The purpose of the demonic force is to discourage us; to make us doubt and give up.”

As I spoke, I only just managed to pull the mezuzah from my pocket and to hold it aloft.

“Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Echad!” I invoked whilst activating a whirring stream of power from the device. “Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is one! Blessed is the name of his glorious kingdom forever and ever!”

With this, the horrid sounds rose up in pitch for a few seconds. Then, with a shudder that caused the entire classroom to shake, the horrible conglomeration of demonic entities vanished.

I looked around the room. All was now quiet. All was now normal.

I stood up and helped Millie Drake to her feet.

“Are you all right, love?” I enquired concernedly.

“Yes, I’m okay now,” she said. “Has the demon force been completely exorcised?”

I did a scan of the area before returning the sonic mezuzah to my jacket pocket.

“Quite so,” I said, brushing myself off with my handkerchief. “The exorcism frequency, coupled with my recitation of the ‘Shema’ prayer, served to banish the infernal forces. They have gone to the inter-dimensional ‘hell’ created by the Watchers of Algol as a prison for certain ancient evils, and will trouble this schoolhouse no more. Our work here is done.”

“So Daniel,” said Millie. “You were going to tell me more about why the public wasn’t allowed to see the security footage, right?”

“The main reason the security video was not shown to the public,” said I as we left the school building to return to our waiting car, “was because of what happened when one of the victims was threatened. It was a teenage girl -- her name was Aislynn Morantz -- who said something before the shooter blew her to bits with his assault rifle; something that serves to illustrate what I have told you today about how everyone involved in such shootings -- both the perpetrators and the victims -- are culpable. This due to the disparity of modern life for young people, hmmm? Several witnesses corroborated what they had heard her say, but they were asked to stay quiet about it. When the shooter pointed the gun at the girl, she just looked directly at him and said, ‘Shoot. Shoot me if you want. I don’t care. It’s not like this life is worth living anyway’.”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

THE PLANET PIRATE

Miss Millie Drake had just gone out to the Safeway grocery store that morning. Little did she know that, during her shopping, she would suddenly be called away from Earth and transported across the Galaxy by the Kosmikos, that secret service organisation of her people, the legendary Watchers of the Daemon-Star Algol. She found herself on the surface of a strange planet, its large red sun hanging in the sky. There was a plain of silver grass around her, and she was standing just outside what appeared to be a major city.

Millie is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting violet eyes, and a sun-kissed complexion. The royal blue dress she wore only served to highlight her slender athletic figure.

As she entered the alien city, Millie Drake found the details of her mission being transmitted directly into her brain by the Watchers. The planet to which she had been assigned was called Tamara, and the people of its Earth-like civilisation had been harassed of late by a Space-faring pirate and bandit known as Captain Krum who, along with his crew of brigands, had regularly visited the planet in order to raid its resources and molest its citizens.

The reason that Millie, though still just a junior operative of the Kosmikos, had been chosen for the assignment was due to a prophecy found amongst the ancient religious texts of Tamara; a prophecy speaking of a figure entitled “The Future Girl” who would one day arrive from parts unknown in order to save that world from an unspecified but horrific threat. This bit of subterfuge fits perfectly with the official policies of the Algolites, an incredibly advanced race who officially only use their Time and Space travel abilities for purposes of research.

When Millie entered the city she noticed that, despite their apparent knowledge of the existence of life beyond their planet, the society of Tamara was a decidedly medieval one. In the large town square was displayed a sort of heraldic crest of the ruling family of the planet; a monument that was centred around an elegant steel sword.

The people of the city, human in appearance, paid no undue attention to Millie, save for a few who glanced harmlessly to admire her beauty. They were a respectful race, used to the societal restraints of class distinction, and recognising in Millie Drake a lady of the highest type.

It is due to this that the general panic which broke out amongst the citizens when the threat then appeared was all the more poignant. The rocket-ship was seen soon after it entered the atmosphere. It was painted pitch black and decorated with a silver emblem like unto a dragon curled around a mountain of skulls. Its engine roared as it approached.

“My goodness,” exclaimed Millie Drake, “it’s the pirate ship!”

The rocket landed directly in the centre of the town square. Its hatchway door opened and several figures stepped forth from it. They were all humanoid, or just about (one of them had a tar-black tentacle where an arm should have been), clad in exactly the type of clothing Millie had seen “pirates” wear in old Hollywood films. Their leader was a very tall, heavily muscled man with a long black moustache and a cruel cutlass on his leathern belt. He strode across the square, his boots echoing on the stone pavement.

“I’m Captain Krum,” he announced, his voice rough but commanding. “Your riches and your women belong to me and my crew. If you try to resist we will cut you all down -- without mercy!”

Millie Drake stepped forth and set her violet eyes directly on the huge pirate.

"No,” she said. “You will not ransack this planet or assault its citizens. I will not allow it.”

“What is this?” laughed Krum the Pirate. “Are the people of Tamara sending little girls against us now? Still, she is right comely and would make me a good profit on the outer-rim pleasure planets. What is your name, child?”

“I am Mistress Millie Drake of the Algolite Kosmikos,” Millie continued bravely. “You are warned to leave here immediately and never to return.”

“You are starting to try my patience, child,” growled Krum. “It looks like you need to be taught a lesson.”

With this, the pirate began to loom forth to-wards Millie Drake, his massive hands outreached to her. Nevertheless, just before he reached her, the young lady let forth with a roundabout kung fu kick that hit Captain Krum right in his midsection.

“By the Star Dragon’s beard!” bellowed the pirate, attempting to hide the pain he felt. “I’ve had enough of you, girlie!”

Krum then drew his cutlass and began to creep back to-wards Millie. Before he reached her, she jumped over and pulled the sword from the crest in the middle of the town square, then holding it out before her in an expert defensive posture.

Captain Krum’s crew was surrounding the area, with the citizens of Tamara watching from farther away. Neither dared approach too closely to the pair of oddly-matched combatants.

“You’re going to regret this, little one,” Krum sneered. “Nobody disrespects me and lives!”

With this pronouncement, the huge pirate captain rushed directly at Millie Drake, his flashing cutlass raised for the kill!

Do you understand the terror, forsooth the unspeakable horror of this situation, dear friends and readers? There she was, the lovely Miss Millie Drake, secret agent of the Watchers of Algol. There she was, on a covert mission to the distant planet Tamara. There she was, facing the evil Captain Krum the Pirate in armed combat as part of her assignment to save the planet from his horrid raids. There she was -- in a violent conflict with the terrible Space buccaneer that only one of them would survive!

“You can’t insult me and live, little girl!” repeated the vicious pirate. “You will regret this, but only for the few seconds of life you have left!”

Millie Drake’s sword met the cruel cutlass of the piratical Space captain, the clash of steel ringing out loudly across the city square. Soon the combat was in earnest, as the giant pirate continued to attempt using his weapon against the young lady’s tender flesh, only to be met with her lightning-fast defence and surprising strength.

Within a few moments, it was obvious that Krum was losing his confidence, but his pride prevented him from withdrawing until, after he missed Millie completely with an attempted blow of his cutlass, she let forth with a swing of her sword that ripped open his shirt completely from one side to the other.

Captain Krum looked down, and an expression of fear entered his dark eyes for the first time, when he noticed that it would only have taken a mere fraction of distance for the girl’s sword to have similarly ripped open his torso.

Krum stepped backwards and looked at Millie Drake. After one tense moment passed, he then suddenly turned away and ran at full speed back to his waiting spaceship, his crew quickly following his lead.

“Of course,” mused Millie, returning the sword to its display. “Like bullies everywhere, he’s a coward. All it took is for someone to challenge him.”

The rocket took off, heading at high speed away from the planet. Then it suddenly shuddered and sparked, standing still for one moment high up above with a noise like an high-pitched whine -- before it then exploded into a conflagration of flame that soon was dispersed by the high winds of the environment.

Millie Drake spoke, “Gosh, they were in such a hurry to leave they tried to activate their Space-warp engine while still in the atmosphere!”

Then the people of Tamara rejoiced, praising “The Future Girl” who had appeared, as the old prophecy had predicted, and saved them from the terror of piracy. A celebration was held in the city, a celebration that became all the more festive when the guest of honour suddenly vanished (thus proving to their beliefs her supernatural status). With her assignment now complete, Millie Drake had been returned to her usual Earth headquarters by the Watchers of Algol.

For countless generations after this, a glistening white marble statue has stood in the town square of that capital city of the planet Tamara, right next to the crest of the ruling family; a statue that was specially commissioned and carved to commemorate the day when the people had been delivered from the horrid thief and freebooter known to infamy as Captain Krum the Pirate. It is a statue of a beautiful young lady, petite and perfect and holding a sword aloft in victory. It is a statue of Miss Millie Drake -- The Future Girl!

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

LOVE HAPPY

“Seaside Casino and Hotel,” said I. “The newest addition to Atlantic City’s boardwalk attractions, hmmm? The glass sides of it are made to reflect the ocean and sky so that they resemble waves.”

“It does look nice,” said Millie Drake. “So this is where the strange energy reading was detected by our instruments back at NYC HQ?”

“Quite so, my dear Mills,” I affirmed. “Quite so. It was an energy signature showing that someone is using the establishment as a place to summon demons!”

I was clad in my usual finery as we stood on the AC boardwalk outside the huge casino building that day; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, sunspecs, panama hat, and one of my favourite opera capes.

My companion, known as Miss Millie Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting violet eyes, and a sun kissed complexion. The flowered minidress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.

We entered the building and began to explore the casino area. It was late in the year, past the usual tourist season, yet the casino was still packed with patrons gambling at the tables and slot machines. The speaker system played 1980s style pop music.

When we had entered a rather secluded back corridor, I reached into my jacket pocket and took out a golden cylindrical object on which was some Hebrew lettering, then using it to scan the area.

“By the Eternal Stars!” I swore upon reading the resultant information. “According to the transonic mezuzah, the energy here is that of the demon Asmodeus!”

“Oh my gosh!” Millie replied. “We faced that demon before, didn’t we? When it was possessing that boy!”

“Indeed so,” I confirmed whilst returning the transonic device to my pocket. “That was however a comparatively minor manifestation of Asmodeus -- the very king of demons according to Jewish legend. He is the most powerful of the shedim or jinn, and is said to be the ancient offspring of an human female and a ‘fallen angel’; the latter actually being an alien from the Andromeda Galaxy. As you know, many of what Earthling lore refers to as ‘demons’ are actually the psychic remains of prehistoric extraterrestrials.”

“We’ve got to find out who summoned it and stop them!”

“Quite so, love. Asmodeus is an hideously dangerous force, and if we…”

I broke off my speech when I noticed a new terror. It was a glint of steel that showed me a knife had been thrown from the shadows at the far end of the corridor -- a knife that was heading directly for Millie’s heart!

It was only my superior Algolite speed and reflexes that allowed me to save my companion from the blade. I reached out and moved her away from it just in time. The knife stuck in the plaster wall just behind her.

“Daniel, what happened?” queried Millie.

“That did, my dear,” I said, indicating the still quivering knife.

“Oh my goodness! Someone is trying to kill me!

“So it appears, and someone with quite a bit of expertise in assassination, hmmm?”

I peered down the corridor and saw that it was deserted. Whomever had thrown the knife had quickly absconded to some hiding place.

“Daniel,” said my companion, “do you think it could be…?”

“Now now, Millie,” I admonished, twiddling my frills. “Let us not speculate before we have all the facts. We must continue to investigate, and not be turned from our purpose of stopping the horrid act of black magic that is attempting to bring the demon Asmodeus back to this world!”

We accordingly continued down the corridor, and came to a doorway in its shadowy far end. It was unlocked and we cautiously entered, finding ourselves in a large chamber lit by rows of black candles. In its centre was a large satanic altar, draped in black cloth on which was embroidered an inverted pentagram. Around the altar played sparks of ebon black energy.

At the far end of the chamber, behind the hideous altar of demonic horror, stood two figures; one a man in a black vestment robe marked with a symbol as of three intertwined inverted triangles, the other a young girl.

The man appeared to be of middle years, his face still showing signs of handsome distinction despite being marked by lifetimes of extreme unholy evil. His hair was long and dark, and his visage decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. Most of all, his pale eyes shone with an absolute hypnotic glare.

The girl next to him was an insanely voluptuous teen brunette with luminous blue-green eyes and a mouth painted like an inviting scarlet gash. She was wearing only a black bikini top and miniskirt, along with spiked heels that made her look much taller than she actually was. She eyed me lustfully as Millie and I approached.

Of course, I recognised the man as my oldest and greatest enemy -- the renegade Algolite who has become the most dangerous criminal in all of Time and Space -- and the girl as his whorish offspring.

“Don Wingus,” I said. “I should have known. It is you who has been performing the demonic summoning, and your daughter Anastasia here who attempted to murder Millie, hmmm? Stacy’s obsession with knives is well-known.”

“Rumanos, you love happy old creep,” replied Don Wingus, his voice a mad mockery. “Once again you are here to interfere with my affairs. You will not succeed, for I have obtained much information from the various Satanic cults that have become absorbed into my Spectral Paranormal network. It is information I have used to perform the summoning. It is the most powerful summoning ever achieved since the time of King Solomon. It is the summoning of the king of demons, the spirit of lust and greed, the mighty Asmodeus!!”

“Daniel, look,” whispered Millie to me. “The dark energy is growing stronger!”

In sooth, as the black demonic power had indeed greatly increased. It began to swirl about the room, accompanied by an odour like unto excrement and cheap perfume, and a noise like unto the howling of countless infernal curs.

“Wingus, you must stop this madness immediately!” I charged whilst reaching into my pocket. “For quite a while now there has been a murmur in the occult underground that some supreme demonic conjuring was in the works. So this is it, hmmm? Asmodeus. Even you cannot hope to control that abomination. He is pure chaos beyond all sane reckoning. If you will not cease from this insanity, then I shall stop you!”

I raised the transonic mezuzah and was about to activate it when a sudden surge of the darksome energy hit my arm, sending the device flying across the room to hit the floor some metres distant.

“Do you now see, Rumanos?” said Don Wingus with a mad chuckle. “Your attempts to stop me shall avail you nothing. The power of Asmodeus the Destroyer is mine, and I shall use it to establish my kingdom over this world and others -- after I have put your meddling ways to an end!”

“We detected that you have repaired your DiTraS,” said I. "You used the Liddelium from the Leknii crash site, along with the power you gained from the Sceptre of Zeus, hmmm? You intend to use it to travel to other planets after you have conquered Earth!”

(DiTraS [“DYE-tress”]: Dimensional Transport Sphere; the combination Spaceship/Time-machine used by our people, the Watchers of Algol.)

“Indeed, Rumanos,” confirmed the evil Algolite. “I will be master of all Time and Space!”

Then, before we could further react, the evil energy suddenly rushed in force directly at Millie Drake and me, sending us careening backwards in uncontrolled response to its awful power!!

I must ask you, my most appreciated readers, if you can even begin to comprehend the total horror, forsooth the complete and utter terror of what we were then experiencing. There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos -- in that strange backroom of the Seaside Casino and Hotel in Atlantic City, New Jersey. There we were, facing the insanely evil Don Wingus and his slatternly daughter Anastasia. There we were, as the occult criminal released the full force of the mighty demon Asmodeus upon us -- the very same force he intended to use in his bid to become supreme monarch of the entire Universe!

“The power of Asmodeus is mine!” repeated the wicked Don Wingus amidst peals of his wicked laughter. “The power of the king of demons is mine, and I shall use it to destroy you and your friend -- after which I shall go on to utilise it to aid me in becoming ruler of countless worlds!”

The awesome power of the demonic force continued to whirl about Millie and me, the noise and odours accompanied now by visions of an huge demoniacal creature with three heads -- one as unto a man, one a ram, and one a donkey. It had legs like a rooster and several slithering serpents for tails, and was seated upon a throne of darkness, surrounded by flames and debased human creatures deep in the throes of an orgy of unholy perverted lust.

In the midst of this horror, Millie Drake and I experienced  pain beyond imagining; not simply a physical pain but a deep depression of the type that can only be brought about by demonic influence.

“Daniel…” gasped my companion. “It hurts so much. I don’t think… I don’t think I can stand it…”

“Fight it, my dear Millie,” I encouraged, my hand reaching and taking hers. “Fight it. We must resist and find a way to stop this ungodly madness!”

“It is time for you to die, Rumanos!” exulted Don Wingus. “Die and be gone forever! Die, and I shall go on to take my rightful place as king over this planet -- and then of all Time and Space!”

“Father,” suddenly spoke Anastasia Wingus. “Father, please don’t do this. Please don’t kill Doctor Rumanos. You know I like him! Let him stay so I can have him when you become king of everything, okay? Please do that for me, father! Will you? Please?!”

“Stacy, you idiotic trollop!” bellowed Don Wingus in outrage whilst striking his daughter hard across the face. “I have told you that I am sick and tired of your continued obsession with that ridiculous old Rumanos! I will not tolerate it, do you hear?!”

At this point, the Asmodeus energy had started to reverse its course -- moving away from Millie and me and heading in stead directly to-wards Don Wingus.

“Daniel," said Millie, “look at what’s happening!”

“Quite so,” I affirmed. “Anastasia’s distraction of her evil father has caused him to lose his control of the Asmodeus power.”

The energy then hit Don Wingus and Stacy. It hit them with its full demoniacal force.

“What!” the villain exclaimed in fear as the energy began to surround him. “No! you cannot do this to me! I am Magister Don Wingus of Algol! I summoned you! I am the rightful ruler of all! I… I… !”

Wingus then  went silent, overcome by the horror. All that remained was the swirling energy of the demon. By now, I had retrieved the transonic mezuzah and, aiming the now activated device to-wards the satanic power, I said the words of invocation:

“Ol sonuf vaoresaji gohu IAD balata! 'I reign over you,' says the God of Justice!”

With this, after a moment in which we heard the sound of screams as of the noise of millions of damned souls, the demonic energy vanished.

I looked around the room. All was now quiet, and there was no trace of Don Wingus or his daughter.

“The evil is gone,” I announced, returning the device to my pocket. “The Enochian invocation coupled with the mezuzah exorcised it, along with Wingus and Stacy. The demon has taken them to its own inter-dimensional hell, where they will serve out their sentence. Are you all right, Millie?”

“Yes, I’m okay,” she replied. “So Don Wingus is gone, but what about his DiTraS?”

“Every DiTraS travel machine is psychically linked to the Algolite who pilots it,” I explained. “Without the presence of Wingus in this reality, it will be disabled. The Absolute Convention of the Watchers can easily trace it and recall it to Daemonia for deregistration.”

“Well that’s good!” said my companion. “

“An odd thing,” I pondered. “Don Wingus engendered his daughter on a Russian woman named Diane Rizak. So Stacy Wingus was an alien-human hybrid just like Asmodeus. Poetic justice, I suppose, that she would aid in exorcising the demon, hmmm?”

“That is interesting, Daniel!” agreed Millie Drake.

“Well, my dear,” said I as we began our exit of the Seaside Casino and Hotel, “our work here is done and the evil is banished. We shall leave the cleanup of this now harmless devil-worship debris to the hotel staff, hmmm? It will give them something interesting to talk about for a change. As for you and me, let us find a local establishment where I am certain that we can get some excellent pizza. After all, this is the Jersey Shore!”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN

SOUTH OF THE BORDER

“His name is Kevyn Matthews,” said I. “He is not of Hispanic descent, but somehow became obsessed with Mexican cuisine whilst attending cooking school. His restaurant is called ‘South of the Border’ and is located in the basement of a private hotel in Greenwich Village, hmmm?”

“And that’s where the strange energy readings were detected as coming from by our instruments at HQ?” queried Millie Drake.

“Quite so, love,” I confirmed. “The readings seem to be of the type associated with the Aztec god of darkness known as Tezcatlipoca!”

Driving my specially-modified Edwardian roadster (affectionately known as “Lizzie”) into the outskirts of the artsy bohemian lower Manhattan neighbourhood, I was clad in my usual finery; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, panama hat, Star of David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.

In the passenger seat was my assistant -- known as Miss Millie Drake -- an exceedingly attractive young lady with luxurious chestnut hair, lovely violet eyes, and sun-kissed skin. The pink dress she wore served to highlight her slender figure.

“I wish Kit-10 could have come with us tonight,” said Millie.

“I also miss the presence of our robotic feline friend,” I admitted, “but she has become increasingly busy keeping our systems updated at headquarters. I suppose we could say she has become more of a ‘house cat’, or perhaps I should say ‘home computer’.”

Millie giggled at my joke but then became serious, “So Daniel, what about this Mexican god? What is it really?”

“Tezcatlipoca is a thought form created by the generations of Aztec priests and others who worshipped the concepts he represents with horrid ceremonies of human sacrifice. Although not actually a ‘god’, of course, he is an incredibly powerful force. If someone has succeeded in calling forth his eldritch powers, we need to stop such an outrage before it becomes a danger to the area -- or perhaps the entire world!”

By now, I had parked the car at the corner on which was found The Village Inn, and we saw the sign for the ‘South of the Border’ restaurant housed in its basement. Strangely, only dim lighting seemed to be shining from the establishment, although we were there during its advertised business hours.

“Be cautious, my dear Mills,” I cautioned as walked down the small flight of stone steps leading to the restaurant. “We know not what horrors may lurk in…”

“Oh my gosh, Daniel!” suddenly screamed Millie Drake. “Look out!”

I looked up to see what had so frightened my companion and beheld an horror indeed. It was like unto a mass of shining black light, drifting upwards from the bottom of the restaurant steps -- directly to-wards us!

Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the phantasm vanished.

“What was that, Daniel?” asked Millie.

I took an object from the pocket of my jacket. It was a golden cylinder on which was some Hebrew lettering.

“The transonic mezuzah,” said I, using it to scan the area. “It is a bit of an upgrade from my old device, hmmm?”

“I love it!” cheered Millie. “What does it say?”

“Hmmm,” I pondered upon looking at the resultant readings before returning the instrument to my pocket. “It appears that energy burst was indeed of the type associated with the Aztec god Tezcatlipoca, albeit in a condensed form. It was only a warning. If the actual force of the dark spirit has been evoked here, we shall have to face a much more horrific manifestation.”

We continued on into the restaurant. The décor was stereotypically “Mexican”, with huge hats and donkeys and old tequila bottles (unfortunately empty), along with other such gewgaws.

“By the Triple Star!” I swore. “If this place is not condemned for conjuring dark deities, it should be so for cultural insensitivity, hmmm?”

“You’re right!” agreed Millie. “How can they get away with this these days? I thought…”

At that very moment, we were interrupted by a man walking out from the back room of the otherwise deserted restaurant. He was perhaps nearly fifty years of age and of mixed African-American descent, and wore a white chef's hat and uniform. He was also, as was evident from his gait, obviously of homosexual proclivities.

“Oh look at this,” he lisped. “It’s Doctor Rumanos and his almost-jailbait ‘plus one’. Can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve heard stories of your meddling ways.”

“We are here for an important reason, Matthews,” I countered, ignoring his taunts. “Your apparent evocations of the powers of Tezcatlipoca are unspeakably dangerous. Doing such things can release chaos upon the world. You must cease from committing this outrage immediately.”

“No, I won’t. I have called forth the great Tezcatlipoca and his power is mine. I will use it, once the proper sacrifices have been performed, to make myself the most famous chef in the world!”

Millie spoke, “That doesn’t make any sense. How did you summon an Aztec god anyway?”

“Through that,” replied Kevyn Matthews, who lifted his hand to point at something upon the far wall of the restaurant. “I found it in an antique shop just before I took my final exam to become a chef, and heard the sound of Tezcatlipoca calling me from it.”

We looked and beheld the object at which he pointed. It was an incredibly old mirror, black in colour, with strange wisps of ebon energy playing about it.

“By the Eternal Spires!” I swore. “That old looking glass is made of obsidian and could indeed be of Mesoamerican origin. The native priests used such things in a form of scrying to know the will of their ‘gods’.”

“Correct, Doctor,” said Matthews, “and I now am the great modern priest of the mighty Tezcatlipoca, as you’ll now see!”

I reached into my pocket and retrieved the transonic mezuzah, raising it to point at Kevyn Matthews.

Matthews screeched, “There will be none of your Israeli colonist sorcery, Doctor! Only the power of Tezcatlipoca will be supreme!’

With this pronouncement, the strange black energy suddenly increased an hundredfold, and the restaurant was filled with the darkling ebon horror of its swirling demonic presence, accompanied with a noise like unto an horrid savage chanting. The resultant vibration sent the transonic flying from my hand. I heard it clatter to the floor some metres distant.

“You will have the honour of being the first of many to die in the new worship of my dark god!” said the villain amongst his own insane laughter. “Feel his power, Doctor, as it takes the very life from you and your little lady friend!”

With this, and before Millie and I could further react, the full force of the glossy black energy surged directly to-wards us!

I must now enquire of you, my dear friends and most appreciated readers, if you can understand the total abject horror, forsooth the extreme unhallowed terror of what we were then experiencing, there at the strange Greenwich Village restaurant known to eternal infamy as “South of the Border”. Can you recognise and comprehend the complete unholy grotesqueness of this? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, extraterrestrial espionage agent -- facing the bizarre restaurant owner and chef by the name of Kevyn Matthews. There we were, as the phantasmagorical ebon energy of the Aztec god Tezcatlipoca was fully let loose upon us; the same occult power that the mad Matthews intended to use in his bid for international fame -- a fame that would in this way bring about the death of countless innocent human lives!

“Feel the power of the mighty Tezcatlipoca!” repeated Matthews in his evil ecstasy. “Feel his power as it takes your lives!”

The evil energy hit us hard, sending Millie and me sprawling across the floor of the restaurant. It surrounded us completely, creating a whirling maelstrom of absolute horror in which were flashes of human skulls and decaying corpses and other symbols of death and darkness sacred unto the horrid deity known as Tezcatlipoca.

“Daniel, what can we do?” cried Millie Drake. “The energy is too strong!”

“We must fight it, love!” said I. “We must find a way to break free and… Ah! Of course!”

I had just noticed that we had landed near unto where the transonic mezuzah had also hit the floor. I quickly reached out and picked it up, programming a certain setting before raising the device high into the air.

“Hear, O Israel,” I invoked; “Hashem is our God; Hashem is One!”

At this, the horrendous energies suddenly reversed course, leaving us and rushing directly at Kevyn Matthews. He screamed in horror as it surrounded him, pummelling him with its diabolical force as he writhed in agony, twisting in pain as the dark energy seared into his flesh and bone.

A few moments later, with a sound as unto a crescendo of unholy terror accompanied by the sudden shattering of the black mirror,  the Tezcatlipoca power vanished, and there did fall to the floor a grisly desiccated husk of what had once been the utterly insane chef and would-be restaurateur known as Kevyn Matthews.

“So it appears that Tezcatlipoca took his sacrifice after all, hmmm?” I pondered, standing up and then helping Millie to her feet. “Anyway, this transonic is indeed even better than the old one, hmmm? Although, come to think of it, this is the old one!”

“What do you mean, Daniel?” wondered Millie Drake.

“I have not thought of it in such a long time, my dear. I originally disguised the transonic mezuzah as a turnscrew when I did an undercover assignment in a neo-Nazi cult many years ago. That was before I met you, in fact. I just never got around to changing it back until this latest upgrade!”

“Well it’s wonderful, Daniel!”

“I say, Mills, I shall have to tell you more stories of my old adventures sometime, hmmm?”

“I would love that!”

I looked around the restaurant. All was peaceful, and there was no sign of the evil energy. The pile of tiny shards that were once the obsidian mirror lay harmlessly on the floor, as did the charred corpse of the madman Kevyn Matthews

“The evocation of Tezcatlipoca, the Aztec god of darkness, has been undone,” I opined, returning the mezuzah to my pocket. “The exorcism by the Holy Name banished it completely. As for Kevyn Matthews, his death shall be attributed to a kitchen fire and he will soon be forgotten.”

“But what about the restaurant?” asked Millie.

“I shall contact an investor I know in the Long Island Hamptons,” I pondered. “I am quite certain he will be interested in backing the endeavour of converting this place into a proper kosher delicatessen. After all, Greenwich Village could use a good rabbinical blessing, hmmm?”

***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN