“His name is Kevyn Matthews,” said I. “He is not of Hispanic descent, but somehow became obsessed with Mexican cuisine whilst attending cooking school. His restaurant is called ‘South of the Border’ and is located in the basement of a private hotel in Greenwich Village, hmmm?”
“And that’s where the strange energy readings were detected as coming from by our instruments at HQ?” queried Millie Drake.
“Quite so, love,” I confirmed. “The readings seem to be of the type associated with the Aztec god of darkness known as Tezcatlipoca!”
Driving my specially-modified Edwardian roadster (affectionately known as “Lizzie”) into the outskirts of the artsy bohemian lower Manhattan neighbourhood, I was clad in my usual finery; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, panama hat, Star of David necklace, and one of my favourite opera capes.
In the passenger seat was my assistant -- known as Miss Millie Drake -- an exceedingly attractive young lady with luxurious chestnut hair, lovely violet eyes, and sun-kissed skin. The pink dress she wore served to highlight her slender figure.
“I wish Kit-10 could have come with us tonight,” said Millie.
“I also miss the presence of our robotic feline friend,” I admitted, “but she has become increasingly busy keeping our systems updated at headquarters. I suppose we could say she has become more of a ‘house cat’, or perhaps I should say ‘home computer’.”
Millie giggled at my joke but then became serious, “So Daniel, what about this Mexican god? What is it really?”
“Tezcatlipoca is a thought form created by the generations of Aztec priests and others who worshipped the concepts he represents with horrid ceremonies of human sacrifice. Although not actually a ‘god’, of course, he is an incredibly powerful force. If someone has succeeded in calling forth his eldritch powers, we need to stop such an outrage before it becomes a danger to the area -- or perhaps the entire world!”
By now, I had parked the car at the corner on which was found The Village Inn, and we saw the sign for the ‘South of the Border’ restaurant housed in its basement. Strangely, only dim lighting seemed to be shining from the establishment, although we were there during its advertised business hours.
“Be cautious, my dear Mills,” I cautioned as walked down the small flight of stone steps leading to the restaurant. “We know not what horrors may lurk in…”
“Oh my gosh, Daniel!” suddenly screamed Millie Drake. “Look out!”
I looked up to see what had so frightened my companion and beheld an horror indeed. It was like unto a mass of shining black light, drifting upwards from the bottom of the restaurant steps -- directly to-wards us!
Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the phantasm vanished.
“What was that, Daniel?” asked Millie.
I took an object from the pocket of my jacket. It was a golden cylinder on which was some Hebrew lettering.
“The transonic mezuzah,” said I, using it to scan the area. “It is a bit of an upgrade from my old device, hmmm?”
“I love it!” cheered Millie. “What does it say?”
“Hmmm,” I pondered upon looking at the resultant readings before returning the instrument to my pocket. “It appears that energy burst was indeed of the type associated with the Aztec god Tezcatlipoca, albeit in a condensed form. It was only a warning. If the actual force of the dark spirit has been evoked here, we shall have to face a much more horrific manifestation.”
We continued on into the restaurant. The dΓ©cor was stereotypically “Mexican”, with huge hats and donkeys and old tequila bottles (unfortunately empty), along with other such gewgaws.
“By the Triple Star!” I swore. “If this place is not condemned for conjuring dark deities, it should be so for cultural insensitivity, hmmm?”
“You’re right!” agreed Millie. “How can they get away with this these days? I thought…”
At that very moment, we were interrupted by a man walking out from the back room of the otherwise deserted restaurant. He was perhaps nearly fifty years of age and of mixed African-American descent, and wore a white chef's hat and uniform. He was also, as was evident from his gait, obviously of homosexual proclivities.
“Oh look at this,” he lisped. “It’s Doctor Rumanos and his almost-jailbait ‘plus one’. Can’t say I’m surprised. I’ve heard stories of your meddling ways.”
“We are here for an important reason, Matthews,” I countered, ignoring his taunts. “Your apparent evocations of the powers of Tezcatlipoca are unspeakably dangerous. Doing such things can release chaos upon the world. You must cease from committing this outrage immediately.”
“No, I won’t. I have called forth the great Tezcatlipoca and his power is mine. I will use it, once the proper sacrifices have been performed, to make myself the most famous chef in the world!”
Millie spoke, “That doesn’t make any sense. How did you summon an Aztec god anyway?”
“Through that,” replied Kevyn Matthews, who lifted his hand to point at something upon the far wall of the restaurant. “I found it in an antique shop just before I took my final exam to become a chef, and heard the sound of Tezcatlipoca calling me from it.”
We looked and beheld the object at which he pointed. It was an incredibly old mirror, black in colour, with strange wisps of ebon energy playing about it.
“By the Eternal Spires!” I swore. “That old looking glass is made of obsidian and could indeed be of Mesoamerican origin. The native priests used such things in a form of scrying to know the will of their ‘gods’.”
“Correct, Doctor,” said Matthews, “and I now am the great modern priest of the mighty Tezcatlipoca, as you’ll now see!”
I reached into my pocket and retrieved the transonic mezuzah, raising it to point at Kevyn Matthews.
Matthews screeched, “There will be none of your Israeli colonist sorcery, Doctor! Only the power of Tezcatlipoca will be supreme!’
With this pronouncement, the strange black energy suddenly increased an hundredfold, and the restaurant was filled with the darkling ebon horror of its swirling demonic presence, accompanied with a noise like unto an horrid savage chanting. The resultant vibration sent the transonic flying from my hand. I heard it clatter to the floor some metres distant.
“You will have the honour of being the first of many to die in the new worship of my dark god!” said the villain amongst his own insane laughter. “Feel his power, Doctor, as it takes the very life from you and your little lady friend!”
With this, and before Millie and I could further react, the full force of the glossy black energy surged directly to-wards us!
I must now enquire of you, my dear friends and most appreciated readers, if you can understand the total abject horror, forsooth the extreme unhallowed terror of what we were then experiencing, there at the strange Greenwich Village restaurant known to eternal infamy as “South of the Border”. Can you recognise and comprehend the complete unholy grotesqueness of this? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos, extraterrestrial espionage agent -- facing the bizarre restaurant owner and chef by the name of Kevyn Matthews. There we were, as the phantasmagorical ebon energy of the Aztec god Tezcatlipoca was fully let loose upon us; the same occult power that the mad Matthews intended to use in his bid for international fame -- a fame that would in this way bring about the death of countless innocent human lives!
“Feel the power of the mighty Tezcatlipoca!” repeated Matthews in his evil ecstasy. “Feel his power as it takes your lives!”
The evil energy hit us hard, sending Millie and me sprawling across the floor of the restaurant. It surrounded us completely, creating a whirling maelstrom of absolute horror in which were flashes of human skulls and decaying corpses and other symbols of death and darkness sacred unto the horrid deity known as Tezcatlipoca.
“Daniel, what can we do?” cried Millie Drake. “The energy is too strong!”
“We must fight it, love!” said I. “We must find a way to break free and… Ah! Of course!”
I had just noticed that we had landed near unto where the transonic mezuzah had also hit the floor. I quickly reached out and picked it up, programming a certain setting before raising the device high into the air.
“Hear, O Israel,” I invoked; “Hashem is our God; Hashem is One!”
At this, the horrendous energies suddenly reversed course, leaving us and rushing directly at Kevyn Matthews. He screamed in horror as it surrounded him, pummelling him with its diabolical force as he writhed in agony, twisting in pain as the dark energy seared into his flesh and bone.
A few moments later, with a sound as unto a crescendo of unholy terror accompanied by the sudden shattering of the black mirror, the Tezcatlipoca power vanished, and there did fall to the floor a grisly desiccated husk of what had once been the utterly insane chef and would-be restaurateur known as Kevyn Matthews.
“So it appears that Tezcatlipoca took his sacrifice after all, hmmm?” I pondered, standing up and then helping Millie to her feet. “Anyway, this transonic is indeed even better than the old one, hmmm? Although, come to think of it, this is the old one!”
“What do you mean, Daniel?” wondered Millie Drake.
“I have not thought of it in such a long time, my dear. I originally disguised the transonic mezuzah as a turnscrew when I did an undercover assignment in a neo-Nazi cult many years ago. That was before I met you, in fact. I just never got around to changing it back until this latest upgrade!”
“Well it’s wonderful, Daniel!”
“I say, Mills, I shall have to tell you more stories of my old adventures sometime, hmmm?”
“I would love that!”
I looked around the restaurant. All was peaceful, and there was no sign of the evil energy. The pile of tiny shards that were once the obsidian mirror lay harmlessly on the floor, as did the charred corpse of the madman Kevyn Matthews
“The evocation of Tezcatlipoca, the Aztec god of darkness, has been undone,” I opined, returning the mezuzah to my pocket. “The exorcism by the Holy Name banished it completely. As for Kevyn Matthews, his death shall be attributed to a kitchen fire and he will soon be forgotten.”
“But what about the restaurant?” asked Millie.
“I shall contact an investor I know in the Long Island Hamptons,” I pondered. “I am quite certain he will be interested in backing the endeavour of converting this place into a proper kosher delicatessen. After all, Greenwich Village could use a good rabbinical blessing, hmmm?”
***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN