Jessica O’Mallie was a disgustingly corpulent woman, an observation made all the more grotesque when coupled with the fact that she was a vampire.
“Go somewhere and die, Daniel Rumanos!” she shrieked at me as we faced each other on that city street. “You won’t stop us! We are the vampire coven and we will soon take over the world!”
I was clad in my usual finery; including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, and panama hat, along with one of my favourite opera capes.
“You would do well to cooperate, O’Mallie,” I countered. “You are a low level bloodsucker at best. Our only concern with you is information. Who is the leader of your coven?”
“I will tell you nothing, Rumanos,” returned the vampire, her obese figure straining against the humorously-tight Victorian-style black dress she wore. “Since you have come to our space, I am only here to kill you!”
With this pronouncement, Jessica O’Mallie jumped at me, her dyed blood-red hair streaming behind her. She hit me hard, her strength that of the supernatural. It was only because of my own superior alien abilities that I was able to withstand her assault.
“You will now die, Rumanos!” O’Mallie continued, bearing her razor sharp fangs. “I will take your Algolite blood to feed upon, and leave you lifeless on the street!”
It was at that very crucial moment that Jessica O’Mallie was hit from behind by a sharply focused laser beam -- forsooth, a beam shot from the nose of my mobile personal computer that resembles nothing more or less than a small mechanical cat.
The little robot, accompanied as she was by my dear friend and companion, the lovely Millie Drake, then shot another blast at the sickening O’Mallie, this causing the vampire to loosen her hold on me.
“Good shooting, Kit-10!” I approved.
“Of course, s--,” replied the metallic kitten in her simulated yet pleasantly feminine voice.
(It should be noted here that Kit-10, along with her other feline characteristics, is possessed of the complete inability to openly show respect to anyone. In truth, the closest she ever comes to it is by addressing me with a slight “s--” sound -- for “sir” -- and Millie by “m--” -- for ma’am”.)
“Millie, Kit-10,” said I, “stand back and shield your eyes. I shall handle this from here.”
Before Jessica O’Mallie could recover form the laser blast, I reached into my pocket and retrieved a device resembling a large writing pen -- in actuality, an highly-advanced scientific instrument known as the transonic turnscrew. I pointed it directly at O’Mallie and activated one of its myriad settings.
Just for a few moments, that city night was as bright as midday, as a golden light shone forth from the transonic device. The vampire Jessica O’Mallie screamed in pain and, within a very few seconds, crumbled away into dust.
“Daniel, are you okay?” queried Millie Drake concernedly.
“I am fine now, love,” I assured her whilst returning the device to my pocket. “Fortunately, the transonic’s artificial sunlight setting is still functioning well, hmmm?”
Millie is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, sun-kissed skin, and enchanting violet eyes. The sundress she wore only served to highlight the wondrous shape of her early-adolescent figure.
“So the computer equipment at headquarters was correct then,” she said, “that some kind of weird signal could be found here -- but what does it have to do with… vampires?!”
“That is exactly what we must ascertain, my dear Mills,” I said, “and apparently, this is the place to do it!”
I then turned and looked at the sign for the building we were about to enter. “Brooklyn Community Center,” it read, “Las Vegas Night”. …
My name is Doctor Daniel Rumanos. I carry within my blood the vastly superior genes of the legendary Watchers of Algol, the most intellectually advanced race in all of the known galaxies, whose technology is so sophisticated it appears to be miraculous to lesser beings.
Whilst most Algolites live in elitist seclusion from the rest of the Universe, I am an operative for an organisation known as the KOSMIKOS. Assisted by the beautiful Miss Millie Drake, I protect Earth from all manner of menace. I am -- The Daemon-Star!!! …
We entered the community centre and beheld an even larger sign, once again colourfully proclaiming “VEGAS NIGHT!!!”. I briefly pointed at the word “Vegas” and winked at Millie Drake, who smiled back at me.
The room was fairly large, now temporarily fitted out with numerous gaming tables and slot machines, along with signs explaining the children’s charity to which all profits would be donated. At the side was what appeared to be an elevated stage, for now covered by a curtain. Most of the patrons were somewhat elderly folks of the caucasian type. Whilst looking around, we headed directly to the bar at the back of the chamber.
“I shall have a rum and cola with a twist of lime, please,” I told the bartender, a young African-American man of obviously homosexual proclivities, “and an iced tea lemonade for my young lady friend, hmmm?”
“Do you want anything, Kit-10?” joked Millie.
“This unit does not consume beverages, m--,” replied the robot.
“Your drinks, sir,” said the bartender, to whom I gave a generous gratuity along with the price of our refreshments.
“That is quite good,” I said, tasting my drink. “Nothing quite like Puerto Rican rum, hmmm?”
“So, Daniel,” said Millie Drake after sampling her iced tea lemonade. “How are there vampires here? You said that Prince Orlock was the last of them when he was destroyed on the planet Murnau.”
“Orlock was indeed the last of the original Vampire race that so ravaged the galaxies those many ages ago,” I explained. “Nevertheless, there were certain human beings that were infected with vampirism by the Nosferatu, and themselves became a sort of offshoot sub-race of vampires. I have encountered some of them in the past, and they have many of the same powers as the ancient Nosferatu, along with the necessity to feast upon the blood of the living. There was even one Algolite, by the name of Thaskales, who became a vampire, hmmm? What we need to find out here is exactly who is the leader of the ‘vampire coven’ of which that Jessica O’Mallie creature spoke. It would have to be a rather remarkable individual; stronger than most rank-and-file human vampires; one who could…”
I was suddenly interrupted by the sound of recorded fanfare music, followed by an announcer’s voice saying:
“Ladies and gentleman, we hope you are enjoying our Las Vegas Night here at the Brooklyn Community Center! Now, for your entertainment this evening, we present the gothic magician, the master of bizarre mentalism -- the amazing Lord Vladimir Deich!”
With this, the curtain opened and a man appeared on the stage. He was quite large, in fact morbidly obese, and was clad in a pitch black suit of Nineteenth Century style, topped by a black cape with a blood-red lining. His hair was also of ebon hue, and his face had the ghastly paleness of death.
“Good evening,” he pronounced, his voice denoting a certain southern twang. “I am Vladimir Deich and I am here tonight to show you magic and mentalist feats like you have never before experienced; for I am not only the great gothic magician, I am also -- the lord of vampires!”
I immediately reached into my jacket pocket and took out the transonic device. Then, before I could activate it, I heard Millie Drake scream.
“Look out, Daniel!” she cried “Vampire bats!”
Indeed, at that very moment, a flurry of large black bats suddenly descended upon me and took the transonic from my grasp, then quickly flying to the other side of the room and dropping it behind one of the slot machines.
“Greetings, Doctor Rumanos and Miss Drake,” said Vladimir Deich, an evil chuckle entering his voice. “My minions have informed me of your coming, and we expect you to play an important part in this evening’s proceedings.”
“Kit-10!” I called. “Blast him!”
The robotic feline then shot several beams of her nose laser directly at the one known as Vladimir Deich, but it was to no avail. They had no effect, and he indeed laughed at the attempt.
“It is no use, Doctor,” said Deich. “I am the vampire lord; the strongest in existence. Within me is the power of the ancient Nosferatu, that mighty species of vampires from the planet Drakul Alpha in Galactic Cluster 666 that warred against your own Algolite race so long ago. You cannot stand against me, for I am Vladimir Deich, and I shall ascend to the very heights of power and establish my vampire coven as the supreme creatures of this world!”
“Vladimir Deich, hmmm?” I pondered. “Kit-10, what do you have in your databanks on this person?”
“Accessing, s--,” replied the robot. “Vladimir Deich. Fifty-six years of age. Originally from the area of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Long career as a nightclub entertainer, from which he made certain connections to the occult terrorist network.”
“Thank you, Kit-10,” I said. “Yes, I thought it would be something like that. So along the way of your journeys into the occult, Deich, you became infected with vampirism, hmmm?”
“Your investigative abilities are quite good, Doctor Rumanos,” answered the vampire. “But… not good enough!”
I then heard Millie Drake scream in horror and whirled around to see what was happening. Millie was being held closely by a woman; a large and portly woman with black hair and a long dress of similar darkling hue. In point of fact, the woman quite resembled a female version of Vladimir Deich, and her pale complexion showed that she was also a vampire.
“That is my sister, the Lady Bergetta,” announced Deich. “Beware, Doctor. If you or your robot here attempt to make one more move against me, she will drain your little girl companion of all her blood!”
“Deich, you ungodly friend!” I charged.
“Ungodly indeed,” countered the vampire lord. “That is what gives me power over the beings of darkness -- as you shall see!”
With this, the huge conglomeration of black bats then descended upon me like a wave of utter hellish blackness. In force, they began to pummel my form, in truth an assault that I could feel as intense pain directly into my very soul.
“You have failed, Doctor,” said Vladimir Deich in a tone of wicked triumph. “You have failed and now your time is finished!”
Please do allow me to ask you a question, my dear friends and readers. Is it at all possible, do you think, for you to recognise the extreme terror, forsooth the total and complete horror of the situation in which the lovely Miss Millie Drake, the robotic Kit-10, and I -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos -- then found ourselves? There we were, in a building innocuously labelled as the Brooklyn Community Center, being attacked by the horrid vampire lord known as Vladimir Deich and his unholy minions. There we were, with Millie threatened by the possibility of having her precious blood drained from her body, whilst I was pummelled by the darksome energy bats of the legendary Nosferatu. There we were, with Kit-10’s nose laser and other technologies being to no avail. There we were, with seemingly the only hope we had -- the transonic turnscrew with its anti-vampiric sunlight setting -- far beyond my reach.
“It is all over for you, Doctor Rumanos of Algol!” repeated the infamous vampire known as Vladimir Deich. “You have failed in your mission to prevent my ascendancy! You have failed and now you and your friends shall meet your collective doom!”
“Millie,” I called, “now is the time. The formula of blessing.”
From her position being held captive by the evil Bergetta Deich, the beautiful young lady known as Millie Drake then uttered certain words, words that I said with her in unison:
“Baruch Hashem! Baruch Hashem! Baruch Hashem!”
At this invocation, a light appeared. It was a light of pure whiteness, in sooth a brilliance of divine portent. It surrounded Millie and me, with a connection like a bridge of power between us.
The female vampire known as Bergetta then backed away from Millie in fear, the black conglomeration of bats ceased to be, and I heard Vladimir Deich shout in outrage and shock.
“What!” he said. “That is -- The Pure Mystery! But how can that be? It can only be conjured forth by Algolites who have undergone the ceremony of holy marriage, and then only when they visit the very site of their union!”
“Your studies into Algolite culture are indeed deep, Deich,” I told him. “You are correct concerning the properties of the Pure Mystery, the protective light of pre-Creation which nothing of evil can touch. In truth, Millie and I were joined in matrimony some time ago when we were in Las Vegas -- yes, the actual one in Nevada -- with my old friend Rabbi Jacob Solomon performing the ceremony. As you may know, the Kabala and other forms of Jewish mysticism are based upon the science of the Watchers, so that was most appropriate, hmmm? We have kept it secret all this time in order to prevent it being exploited by certain forces. That is why my dear wife is still known to the general public as ‘Miss Millie Drake’. As for our ability to conjure the powers here at 'Vegas Night' on the east coast, well… that is just a bit of a cheat, but you as a magician should certainly understand that!”
Whilst I was speaking to Deich, I walked over to where the transonic turnscrew was hidden and picked it up, the white light joining me to Millie still playing around my form.
“And now, Vladimir Deich,” said I, holding the device aloft, “I do bring your end!”
With this, I activated the sunlight setting and with the flash of golden radiance, the vampires Lord Vladimir Deich and Lady Bergetta both screamed in pain and crumbled into dust. Within seconds, they were no more.
“By the Stellar Triplicity!” I swore to myself, deactivating the setting and returning the device to my pocket. “What is this thing with overweight vampires?!”
Millie Drake then ran onto my arms. The light of the Pure Mystery, its presence no longer needed, then faded from view.
“All is now well, my dear Mills,” I said. “The vampire coven is no more.”
Then a surprising thing happened, the people assembled around at the community centre gave us a round of applause before returning to their small-stakes gambling.
“Daniel,” giggled Millie, “they think that all of this was just part of the entertainment!”
“It is perhaps best that they continue to have that delusion, hmmm?” I pondered. “There are indeed some things in this Universe that Earthlings are not as yet prepared to know.”
“Are you okay, Kit-10?” queried Millie.
“All systems functioning normally, m--,” replied the robotic cat.
“Quite good,” I approved. “Quite good. Now, my dear Millie, let us return to the bar and have another drink in celebration, hmmm? I am indeed quite found of that Puerto Rican rum.”
***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN
