“Silenus the Satyr?” questioned Millie Drake. “Satyrs are those goat-men from Greek mythology, aren’t they?”
“Quite so, my dear Mills,” I replied, “and Silenus was one of the greatest of them. That is why his statue being stolen from the Grecian Heritage Museum should be rather concerning to us, hmmm?”
I was clad in my usual finery, including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, jungle boots, and my Magen David necklace. My panama hat and opera cape hung from a near by hallstand.
My companion, Miss Mille Drake, is an exceedingly beautiful young lady; petite and perfect with luxurious chestnut hair, enchanting blue-violet eyes, and a sun-kissed complexion. The purple dress she wore only served to highlight her slender figure.
Also with us was Kit-10, our mobile personal computer that resembles nothing more or less than a small mechanical cat.
We were at our secret headquarters, located as it is within the golden trapezoidal rooftop of a certain downtown New York City skyscraper. In addition to our advanced electronic equipment and research laboratory, our HQ contains an assortment of unusual artefacts from our storied career as investigators of the strange and unknown.
“But Daniel,” said Millie, “why should we be so concerned about that old statue? It’s terrible that it was stolen, but can’t the regular police handle it?”
“It is rather more complex than that, love,” I rejoined. “You see, that particular statue of Silenus was from his temple in ancient Athens, and seems to have collected much psychic force that was drawn to it from the combined devotions of his many worshippers. The Satyrs, of course, were an offshoot of the Olympianoids, those powerful alien beings that came to earth during the Bronze Age and became the ‘gods’ of the Greeks and Romans.”
“But who could have stolen the statue? You said the security cameras were mysteriously turned off during the robbery.”
“Indeed so, and that is part of the problem. It would have taken amazing technical knowledge and ability to so easily disable the museum’s security system, hmmm? Not to mention that the thief or thieves targeted only the statue of Silenus, when there were antiquities of greater monetary value present. It is likely that they are aware of its mystical powers.”
“Oh my gosh, Daniel! Do you think it could be… ?”
“Now now, Millie. Let us not speculate before we have all the facts. Kit-10, have you finished that scan for Satyr energy?”
“Affirmative, s--,” replied the robotic feline in her simulated yet pleasantly-feminine voice. “Traces of energy of the type associated with the Olympianoid Satyrs have been detected emanating from a disused warehouse in the Lower East Side.”
(It must be noted here that Kit-10, in addition to her other catlike characteristics, is completely unable to openly show respect to anyone, in point of fact, the closest she ever comes to it is by addressing me with a slight “s--” sound -- for “sir” -- and Millie Drake with “m--” -- for “ma’am”.)
“Gosh,” exclaimed Millie, “we need to get over to that warehouse right away!”
“Quite so, my dear,” I agreed whilst fetching my hat and cloak. “The Satyr energy is dangerous beyond imagining, and we must stop whoever is attempting to utilise it. Come along, Mills and Kit-10. We have work to do!” …
My name is Doctor Daniel Rumanos, and I carry within my blood the heritage of the mysterious Watchers of Algol, whose technology is so sophisticated it appears as magic to lesser beings. As an operative for an organisation known as the KOSMIKOS, I protect Earth from all manner of menace. I am -- The Daemon-Star! …
At that same time, in the aforesaid abandoned NYC warehouse, two figures stood behind a table covered by a black altar cloth, upon which stood the very statue of Silenus the Satyr. One of the two was a man apparently of middle years, his face still showing signs of handsome distinction despite being marred with the results of lifetimes of extreme unmitigated evil. His hair was long and dark, and his visage decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. Most of all, his pale eyes shone with an absolute mesmerising glare.
The other was an insanely voluptuous young brunette with luminous blue-green eyes and her mouth painted like an inviting scarlet gash. She was totally nude except for a pair of spike heels that made her appear much taller than she actually was.
“Do you see, Anastasia?” said the man, his voice tinged with utter madness. “Do you see? The statue of Silenus is mine, and I shall use it to bring forth the power of the Satyrs -- power I shall then utilise to make myself, Magister Don Wingus -- ruler of this world!”
“Yes, father, I see,” replied the girl, absently twirling her hair around a finger, “but what if someone tries to interrupt you? You know, somebody like Daniel Rumanos.”
“Stacy, I will have none of your obsessions with Rumanos this time. In any event, my little friend Jesse is on guard against anyone who would dare to interfere with this working. Nothing shall stop me now! The power of Silenus the Satyr is mine! Mine!!”
With this, whilst Don Wingus let forth with a peal of insane laughter, flashes of red and black light began to play around the stolen statue. …
Outside on that overcast day, my companions and I approached the vacant warehouse.
“So Daniel,” said Millie, walking beside me, “what is the power of the Satyrs all about, anyway?”
“It is an horrid thing, my dear Millie,” I replied. “The Satyrs were part of a genetic experiment by the Olympianoids; forsooth an attempt to control their own lower impulses by transferring them to hybrid creatures. From this, the Satyrs became beings of absolute debauchery, lustful and decadent beyond any sane imagining.”
“Oh my gosh,” rejoined Millie, “I understand why we have to stop this from happening then, and… Daniel! Look out!”
I then looked to see what had so startled my friend and beheld an horror indeed. It was a dwarfishly short, muscularly-built man wearing only a pair of ripped blue-jeans. He was bald and covered with obscene tattoos. Before I could even react, this grotesque freak, with a screech of challenged, jumped forwards directly at me!
The hideous dwarf hit me hard, quickly wrapping his legs around my midsection and pounding me with repeated blows of his fist to my face, head, and upper body. I heard Millie scream, and briefly saw Kit-10 attempting to get into position to blast my assailant with her nose-laser, but it was too dangerous that she might miss and hit me in stead.
None the less, I rallied my thoughts and reached up my hand to a certain pressure point on the dwarfish man’s neck, soon applying a hold that, within a mere second, sent him into unconsciousness.
“Daniel, are you all right?” cried Millie Drake.
“I am fine now, love,” I assured her. “Kit-10, can you get us any information concerning the identity of this… person?”
“Accessing databanks, s--,” replied the robot after scanning the dwarf from where he lay on the pavement. “Suspect identified as Jesse Byron Fields, originally from Dundalk, Maryland. Born with congenital dwarfism due to family inbreeding. Forty years of age. Extensive criminal history and involvement with neo-Nazi 'skinhead' groups. Currently wanted on charges of attempted murder, child rape, and urinating in public.”
“Well, he shall be out for a while, hmmm? Let us continue our investigation.”
We did so, entering the old warehouse after the rusty padlock on its door quickly yielded to my skills as an escape artist. We explored the interior of the structure, lit as it was only by the dim light shining through high-set cobwebbed windows.
Then, we found what we were seeking. It was a table made into an altar, on which was the very statue of Silenus with flashes of red and black energy playing around it. Behind the altar, standing beside an insanely voluptuous young girl, was a man of evil I knew only too well; a man I recognised as my oldest and most deadly foe, the renegade Algolite who has become the most dangerous and wanted criminal in all the Universe.
“You!” I exclaimed. “Don Wingus. I should have known. So you did escape from the Dio Crystal, and reunited with your daughter Anastasia here to purloin the statue of Silenus the Satyr from the Grecian Heritage Museum.”
“Oh of course, Rumanos, you old meddler,” replied the criminal Wingus. “Of course. I sincerely hope you have not harmed my little friend Jesse too much. He has such a delicious derrière.”
“Kit-10,” I said, “blast him!”
The robotic cat then sent forth a beam of her nose-laser directly at Don Wingus, Nevertheless just before it reached him, the ray was suddenly deflected by a part of the darksome energy flashing around the warehouse interior.
“It is no use, Rumanos,” announced Wingus. “The power of Silenus the Satyr is mine, and I shall use it to spread profligacy and licentiousness around this world -- a very plethora of immorality that shall pave the way for my own upcoming ascension as supreme ruler of planet Earth!”
“You are mad, Wingus,” I charged. “You are utterly mad. You cannot control the power of the Satyrs. It is a thing of sinfulness and impiety beyond all possible restraint!”
“I assure you that I have complete command over the Satyr energy; command that I shall now demonstrate by calling it forth against you!”
With this, an awesome mass of the eldritch energy suddenly leaped forth directly to-wards Millie Drake, Kit-10, and me.
“Feel the power of the Satyrs, Rumanos!” shouted Don Wingus in sick insane triumph. “Feel it as it sears your very being!!”
Do you understand, my dear friends and readers? Do you comprehend and understand the sheer horror, forsooth the unmentionable terror of the situation in which my companions and I then found ourselves? There we were, the lovely Millie Drake, the robotic Kit-10, and me -- Doctor Daniel Rumanos. There we were, facing the execrable villain Don Wingus and his obscene daughter Anastasia. There we were, as the alien criminal commanded that we be assaulted by the powers at his command; in truth the very powers of the ancient Satyrs -- powers that manifest themselves in the form of lechery and debauchery unimaginable!
“Do you feel it, Rumanos?” repeated the wicked Don Wingus. “Do you feel the depraved power of the Satyrs? These are the powers that even now shall destroy your very soul!”
The darksome powers surrounded us, accompanied as they were with a sound like unto myriad disgusting moans of sexual ecstasy.
“Resist it, Millie!” I told her. “Fight against the Satyr power and resist it with all your virtue!”
“I will, Daniel,” she replied bravely. “I promise I will.”
As the eldritch power swirled in endless cascades around us, we were harassed by visions of things unthinkable; visions of elderly Satyrs erect with nympholeptic frenzy, of debaucheries and depravities unnameable, of licentiousness and indecency beyond belief. It took all my Algolitish will to resist succumbing to them, and I saw Millie beside me shivering in abject fear at what we were experiencing, and even the robotic Kit-10 was spinning in confusion at the things we beheld.
“Feel the powers of Silenus the Satyr!” exulted the insane criminal. “Feel the powers I command over this planet! Feel the powers as they rip and rend your complete existence!”
Then something happened to change the course of all that was happening.
“Father, please don’t do this!” suddenly interrupted Anastasia Wingus. “Please don’t hurt Doctor Rumanos! I want him! I want to play with him when you become ruler of the world. Won’t you let me do that, father? Please?”
“Stacy, you stupid streetwalker!” bellowed Don Wingus whilst slapping his daughter hard across the face. “How many times have I told you I will not tolerate your ridiculous 'schoolgirl crush' on that damnable old Rumanos?!”
Then occurred another wonder transpired, forsooth an odd thing indeed.
“Daniel,” whispered Millie Drake to me, “have you noticed something?”
“Yes,” I returned. ”The Satyr powers are no longer as focused upon us. Wingus, in his distraction, is losing control of them, hmmm? Kit-10!”
The mechanical cat then sent a bolt of her nose laser that managed to reach Don Wingus, hitting him squarely in his chest, this causing him to retreat several paces.
The swirling Satyr energies had by now moved away from my companions and me, and were in stead hurtling directly to-wards Wingus and his daughter. They were hit hard, and soon lay writhing upon the floor of the dusty old warehouse.
“No!” bellowed Don Wingus in indignant shock as the powers enveloped him. “No! You cannot do this to me! I am Magister Don Wingus, the rightful ruler of worlds! I am the master of all Creation! I am… ! No! No!! NO!!!”
We then heard Stacy Wingus scream and her evil father let out one final shout of outrage, before suddenly there was silence. The swirling energies had vanished -- taking Don Wingus and his daughter with them.
“Are you all right, my dear Mills?” I enquired concernedly.
“Yes, I’m okay now,” she replied.
“What about you, Kit-10?”
“All systems undamaged and functioning within normal parameters,” replied the little robot.
“Perhaps you should say, ‘purr-ameters’, hmmm?” I joked.
“This unit is not a cat, s--,” she rejoined.
“So Daniel,” said Millie Drake with a giggle. “What happened?”
“The horrid energies of the Satyrs recoiled upon Don Wingus and Anastasia,” I explained; “the resultant rhapsody taking them entirely out of this dimension and into another state of being -- where they will do no more harm.”
“Well that’s good! What about the statue?”
I walked over and examined the ancient statue of Silenus the Satyr as it stood upon the table.
“The powers have gone,” I announced, “and the statue is now harmless and can be returned to the museum. I shall call the NYPD to let them know that we have recovered it, and also so they can arrest that Jesse Fields creature! Then we can stop by Sorrento's for some pizza before returning to headquarters, hmmm?”
***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN
