"Then there was that time when I had to instruct Prince Eric of Denmark as to the proper method of copulating with a mermaid,” said I. “Fortunately, his intended was one of seven sisters, making my arranging of a series of practical demonstrations quite an easy task, hmmm?”
“Daniel, I know you always tell me the truth,” giggled Millie Drake, “but that story sounds kind of…”
“Go ahead and say it,” I grinned. “You know you want to.”
“Fishy!” she finished, and we both collapsed into paroxysms of laughter.
We were in the café-like control room of the DiTraS (which is pronounced “DYE-tress” and stands for Dimensional Transport Sphere), one of those incredibly-advanced combination Spaceship/Time-machines available only to our people, the Watchers of Algol. I was clad in my usual finery, including a frilled poet shirt, purple velvet suit, and jungle boots. My panama hat and opera cape hung from a near by hallstand.
Millie is a stunningly beautiful young lady with luxurious chestnut hair, sun-kissed skin, enchanting blue-violet eyes, and a sensuously wide mouth. The tight, short, hot pink dress she wore only served to highlight the soft curves of her slender, petite and perfect figure.
Also with us was Kit-10, our mobile personal computer that resembles nothing more or less than a small mechanical cat.
“By the Triple Star!” I swore. “All this talk has gotten me hungry. I suppose we can take a little break from monitoring our routine patrol of the galaxies and have luncheon, hmmm? I say, Mills, would you like to share a tuna fish sandwich?”
"Sounds delicious” replied the lass.
“I shall order it from the DiTraS automated deli,” I said. “Anything for you, Kit-10?”
“This unit does not consume edibles, s--,” replied the robot in her simulated yet pleasantly feminine voice.
(It should be noted here that Kit-10, along with her other feline characteristics, is possessed of the total inability to openly show respect to anyone. In fact, the closest she ever comes to it is by addressing me with a slight “s--” sound -- for “sir”, and Millie Drake with “m--” -- for “ma’am”.)
I went over to the DiTraS food machine and pushed a button to activate it.
“One large tuna fish salad sandwich -- solid white albacore -- on rye, please,” I requested, “with a kosher dill pickle and sour cream and chives potato crisps on the side. Also a couple of apples for dessert. For the beverage, we shall have…”
Nevertheless, an alarm sound coming from the main control board of our ship then interrupted my lunch order. I immediately ran over to it.
“What is it, Daniel?” questioned Millie Drake concernedly as she joined me at the controls.
“We are being pulled off course by the influence of some kind of very powerful engine,” I explained upon looking at the readouts. “It is taking us more than an hundred thousand years into the future!”
“But where?”
“By the Eternal Spires, it appears to be some kind of huge Space-station right at the centre of the known physical Universe!”
“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed the girl. “But… how is all that possible?”
“We shall know soon enough,” I rejoined. “Hold on tight, my dear. We are landing!” …
My name is RUMANOS -- DOCTOR DANIEL RUMANOS, Extraterrestrial Espionage Agent and Intergalactic Man of Mystery. Even though I have the physical appearance of an human being, I am in fact several thousands of years old and do carry within my blood the vastly superior genes of the legendary Aeternusians or “Watchers” of the Daemon-Star ALGOL. Originating ninety-three light years from Earth, we are the most intellectually advanced race in all of the known galaxies, whose technology is so sophisticated it often appears to be “magic” and “miraculous” to lesser beings.
Whilst most Algolites tend to keep to themselves, preferring to live in elitist seclusion from the rest of the Universe and thus merely observing the goings-on of the myriad races of the vast reaches around them, I am an Operative for a secret organisation known as the KOSMIKOS or Cosmic Intervention Department, tasked with maintaining peace and order throughout the farthest reaches of Space and Time. You know, “plausible deniability”, and all of that sort of thing. It is our ongoing mission to defend the weak, the unfortunate, and the innocent from those who would harm or exploit them.
Currently assigned to Earth, I protect its people (both upon their own planet and across the eternal void) from the hideous manipulations of the arch-villain known as Magister Don Wingus, along with his dangerously-seductive daughter, Anastasia, and his occult terrorist organisation, Spectral Paranormal; as well as from alien invasions, mad scientists, mutated monstrosities, power-crazed dictators, and indeed all manner of menace. Assisted by my friends -- the beautiful young Hollywood starlet Miss Millie “The Girl From Beyond” Drake, and our catlike robot known as Kit-10 -- I am the living icon of Algol on this world. I am a Knight of the Eternal Spires. I am the professor of the impossible, the maestro of the miraculous, the purveyor of pure mystery, the saviour of the Cosmos, and the sword of justice from the planet Daemonia. I am the cosmic crusader. I am the stellar swashbuckler.
These are my memoirs. This is my story.
I am -- THE DAEMON-STAR!!! …
With the strange gasping moaning sound of the DiTraS engines, our ship (the outside of which resembles a Greco-Roman column) materialised on board the mysterious Space-station. A few moments later, a porthole like opening appeared in the DiTraS and I emerged (now having donned my hat and cloak) along with Millie Drake and Kit-10.
“Fascinating,” said I. “The station is in excellent condition for one so old. All of this equipment is far behind that of the era to which we have travelled. It just appears to have been abandoned for quite some time.”
Indeed, upon looking around, it was obvious that much of the technological apparatus in the large central chamber that we had entered had gone unused for generations at least.
“I wonder then,” I continued, “what could have been the source of the power that affected the DiTraS.”
“Look at that, Daniel,” said Millie. “The instruments on that panel over here seem to be activated.”
“So it appears that someone must have recently been here,” I said as we walked over to the area. “Kit-10, do you detect any other life forms on board?”
“Negative, s--,” replied the mechanical cat, “but it is possible that the influence of the station’s systems may be causing inaccurate readings.” …
Indeed, even as we spoke, we did not know that two shadowy figures were even now observing us, hidden as they were behind some near by machinery. The larger of them appeared to be male, and was holding some type of weapon. The other was quite obviously female.
The two mysterious figures walked slowly and silently around the perimeter of the chamber, and began to approach us. …
We were now looking over those systems that seemed to be active. There were various lights blinking and a low energy hum, but nothing that could really give us any information.
“Hmmm,” I pondered. “Perhaps we can just manage to get a scan of the station’s central computer banks from here.”
I reached into one of the pockets of my jacket and took out the transonic turnscrew, an highly advanced scientific device in form somewhat resembling a large writing pen. I activated its appropriate setting to-wards the active panel.
“By the Triune Star!” I swore upon looking at the transonic resultant readings before returning the device to my pocket. “Well, that explains a lot!”
“What is it, Daniel?” queried Millie Drake.
“This Space-station, which is indeed situated not only between galaxies, but also in the exact middle of the known Universe - which latter situation happened completely by chance, it seems, as there is no record of this having been known to its designers -- is the one known as ‘Leprosarium’!”
“Leprosarium?” repeated Millie. “But isn’t that another word for a… leper colony?”
“Indeed so, or for an hospital concerned with the treatment of such an ailment.” I affirmed. “The Leprosarium Space-station was set up as an isolated permanent home for sufferers of what was known as Zareth Syndrome, which sprung up as a serious concern, as it did indeed resemble the leprosy of old, amongst human colonists during the early centuries of intergalactic expansion. This station was indeed set up as a place for them to live -- and a place for them to die!”
“My gosh,” shuddered Millie Drake, “I remember reading about Zareth Syndrome in one of my medical courses at Daemonia Academy. But was it really like leprosy?”
“The physical effects were rather similar,” I explained, “But Zareth’s was in no way contagious. It was a genetic disorder caused by a combination of inbreeding and dietary problems in some of the far-flung human colonies.”
“So they sent them all here?”
“Indeed so. For several generations those unfortunates who were suffering from Zareth Syndrome were brought to the Leprosarium Space-station to live and to die. It was built here specifically for that purpose, and had no other function.”
“So was the disorder eventually cured?” asked Millie.
“Quite so,” I affirmed. “After much experimentation, scientists did manage to isolate the factors causing the syndrome and, through extensive gene therapy, succeeded in reversing its effects and eliminating the recessive traits that caused it in the first place.”
“So the station was then just abandoned?”
“Exactly. That would have been many thousands of years ago, and it has been here ever since -- being an huge unused hospital facility situated, by pure chance, exactly in the centre of the Universe.”
“But what was it that drew us here in the DiTraS?”
“I suspect it may have been an engine malfunction here on Leprosarium, and it must have been one on a massive scale in order to have an effect on our ship, hmmm? Realise what the size of the trans-warp engine must be in order to have brought such an enormous station to its current location, since building it in such a remote part of Space would have been quite cost prohibitive. All faster-than-light engines, as you well know, have a certain effect on inter-dimensional Time. It is usually minimal, but the size of this one could just possibly have enabled it to affect our DiTraS. What is most troubling about that is the fact that a malfunction of an FTL engine of such size would possibly have even further reaching effects. In fact, it could even cause something like…”
The voice of Kit-10 suddenly interrupted our discussion.
“Other presences detected,” she said. “Persons approaching.”
Millie Drake and I whirled around to see who or what it was. Of course, it was the two figures who had previously been watching us so surreptitiously. By now having stepped out into the open, they were approaching us right there in the station’s control centre.
The first was a man seemingly of middle years, his face still showing signs of handsome distinction despite being marred with the signs of seeming lifetimes of complete ungodly wickedness. His hair was long and dark, and his visage decorated with a thin moustache and goatee. He was clad in an ebon black body-suit and matching cape. In his hand was a sleek laser gun.
The other was an insanely voluptuous teenage girl, with raven hair and luminous blue-green eyes. She was wearing a see-through blouse, a scarlet red micro miniskirt, and spike heels.
The man spoke first.
“Greetings, Doctor Rumanos,” he stated with a smile of absolute evil. “You are just in time to witness my greatest triumph.”
Of course, I recognised him immediately. I recognised him as my oldest and most bitter enemy, the renegade Algolite who at one time had actually been my best friend. The one who now had become the most corrupt and prolific criminal in all of Space and Time.
It was Magister Don Wingus!
“You!” I said to him. “I should have known. So you and your daughter Anastasia here did escape from the Holy Grail. I take it you are the one who has reactivated the old systems on this Space-station, hmmm?”
Wingus continued to train his laser gun upon us, making it too dangerous for even Kit-10 to attempt to try her own nose-blaster against him.
“Oh, quite so, Rumanos, quite so,” mocked the villainous Don Wingus in answer to my question. “I see your powers of deductive reasoning are as astute as ever, if ultimately as useless.”
“But why would you do such a thing?” I wondered, ignoring his attempt at taunting insult. “Of what use could this abandoned medical facility possibly be to you?”
“As I said, this station will be the location of my greatest triumph; the very place from which I shall become supreme ruler of all Creation! You spoke of its engine, but there is one thing you have not deduced concerning it, Rumanos. When Leprosarium was abandoned, the engineering system was of course shut down. However, the idiotic human engineers forgot about the automatic system resets. These same resets caused the engine to temporarily restart at regular intervals. Over the centuries, with no one here to perform the proper maintenance, a flaw crept into the engine system. This flaw once caused that same massive engine to overheat, leading to it sending out a gigantic pulse of energy as a necessary discharge of exhaust so it could cool down. This same pulse, born as it was of an enormous faster-than-light engine, broke through into the edges of the Time/Space Current and travelled back through the aeons -- back to the very beginning of all, to the very Creation of the physical Universe itself!”
“Do you mean that it… ?!”
“Indeed it did,” confirmed Wingus. “This pulse of energy from the Leprosarium Space-station became the Big Bang itself -- the very event that created the Cosmos!”
“Daniel,” said Millie Drake, “is that even possible?”
“The very idea is blasphemous to say the least,” I pondered, “but I must admit that the science of it, though incredible, is sound. It also would explain the energy that influenced our DiTraS, hmmm? It was the pulse from Leprosarium travelling back through Time, and the back-draft of it then caused our ship to speed forwards to the location from which it originated.
“None the less,” I continued, “one thing has still not been answered. Don Wingus, of exactly what use is all this to you and your insane dreams of empire?”
“It is no mere dream, Rumanos,” countered the villain. “It is a reality that will soon come to pass. For I have now managed to isolate the engine function that caused the initial pulse and thus became the Big Bang, and I have now programmed the Space-station’s engines to emit another one, one just as powerful -- a pulse of power that could travel back in time and counteract the results of the first one, therefore causing the Universe to cease to exist!”
“Wingus, you are indeed mad,” I stated. “You are indeed utterly mad.”
“Now, here is my plan,” continued the evil Don Wingus unabated. “I shall broadcast my message to all the civilisations of the known Universe, along with specifications that are scientific proof of what I have done here. I shall also demand that I be installed immediately as Emperor of the Universe -- or else I intend to release the Leprosarium engine pulse and thus destroy all!!”
“Spires of Daemonia, Wingus!” I retorted. “That plot of evil is grotesque even for you. Also, what of your daughter? What part is she to play in your scheme?”
The young girl Anastasia “Stacy” Wingus then eyed me seductively, licking her ruby red lips and running her fingers through her long raven hair.
“Oh, father has plans for me too,” she purred. “When he becomes Emperor, he is going to make me his… ummm… what was it called, father?”
“Empress Consort,” explained Don Wingus.
“Incestuous paedophilic nepotism, hmmm?” said I. “Wingus, is there no end to your unspeakable crimes?”
“Nothing can stop me, Rumanos,” smirked the villain. “I will be Emperor of the Universe, and nothing shall stand in my way -- not even you!”
With this, Don Wingus carefully aimed his laser gun and, tightening his finger on the trigger, then fired its potentially deadly beam at me!
Is it at all possible, my friends and readers, that you can even commence to realise and comprehend the extreme and unmitigated horror, forsooth the total and complete terror of this situation? There we were -- Miss Millie Drake, the computerised cat known as Kit-10, and me -- there in the very centre of eldritch Space, facing the execrable and unholy intergalactic criminal known to eternal infamy as Magister Don Wingus. There we were, facing him as he intended to hold the very Universe ransom -- by threatening to utilise the power he had discovered in order to destroy all of Creation unless he were immediately installed as supreme dictator of all! What is more, at this very moment he was attempting to murder me with his lethal laser weapon!
“Father, no!” I heard Stacy Wingus shout. “Please don’t hurt Doctor Rumanos! I want him! You promised I could have him when you become ruler of the Universe!”
Stacy had touched her father’s hand just as he pulled the trigger of his gun, causing the laser beam to miss me and hit the floor harmlessly near my feet.
“Anastasia, you damnable harlot!” shouted Don Wingus as he slapped his daughter hard across the face with the back of his free hand, the resultant impact sending her to the floor.
When Don Wingus was thus distracted, I saw my opportunity and took it immediately. I kicked the laser gun from his hand and sent it harmlessly clattering to the floor, far across the chamber. Then, before he could react, I delivered a kung fu blow to his head with my fist, causing him to fall unconscious to the floor beside his daughter.
“Now, my friends,” I said to Millie and Kit-10, “we have to disable the station’s engine before its planned ‘malfunction’ possibly destroys all of Creation!”
I then ran over to the Leprosarium control centre and began to make some adjustments to the system functions.
“Unfortunately, Wingus has made the engine malfunction sequence password protected,” I said, “so I cannot simply cancel it.”
“Then what are you doing, Daniel?” asked Millie Drake.
“I am accessing the engine controls with the intention of switching the polarisation of its neutronic stream,” I explained. “That will cause the malfunction to occur as an implosion rather than an explosive outward pulsation, hmmm?”
“Won’t that cause the engine to destroy itself?”
“Quite so, and it shall have to be immediately in order to assure the safety of the Universe. There, I have completed the sequencing -- and we must return to the DiTraS and leave this place post haste!”
Whilst my companions and I hurried to our ship, we noticed that Don Wingus and Anastasia were no longer lying unconscious near by and had seemingly vanished from the station. Then the porthole opening appeared and we entered our DiTraS.
A few moments later, with the odd gasping moaning noise of our ship’s engines, the DiTraS dematerialised from view.
Just as we had vanished, a tremendous quaking rocked the Leprosarium station, causing it to implode there in the darkness of intergalactic Space.
On board the DiTraS, I read the information from the system scanner.
“The Space-station’s engine has imploded, with the only reaction being to cause the station itself to collapse into pieces,” I announced. “I am sending a coded message to the Kosmikos concerning the imperative of completely eliminating any scraps that may remain of the Leprosarium engine as soon as possible. Certainly they will take care of the situation immediately.”
“So, Daniel,” said Millie, “do you think Don Wingus and Stacy escaped this time?”
“It is possible,” I replied. “His DiTraS was likely near by.”
“Then we will probably be seeing them again,” stated my companion resolvedly.
“More than likely,” I stated. “But for now, I have sent the message to the Kosmikos on Daemonia and all is well.”
“That’s good,” smiled Millie Drake.
“Now, where were we?” I pondered whilst setting the controls for our next destination. “Ah yes… tuna fish sandwich!”
***** DANIEL RUMANOS AND MILLIE DRAKE SHALL RETURN
